Joshua's Blog

:)

2012-02-12T00:37:00.001+08:00

Currently back home after climbing today as OAC reunion dinner. Was really nice to meet the seniors and share our experiences with each other! I realized that some traditions just never get old:)

Well time to sleep, hopefully get this feeling off me as soon as possible :(

Hmmm

2012-02-11T09:46:00.001+08:00

So walk in was yesterday. It was really great. Did all the dance moves correctly. Even though now I woke up with two bruises on my knee for falling too much, it was all worth it.

Though there are some things I regret not doing yesterday, it was all made up for when my og gave me a nicely done up stack of cards with everyone's thoughts and well wishes for me. Really meant a lot to me (: felt really touched by it and I really love my OG, and I'm gonna miss each and every one of them now that orientation is over.. I hope I did do a good job being their OGL :D went to eat supper with my og and luckily managed to catch tr last train and bus home.

So right now im preparing to go climbing with Ken and Zhi Yong. Even though I'm gonna be late but it's ok cause both of them are probably gonna be late too after last night.

Can't help but feel that I should have done something yesterday, if only I had the balls to do it. Damn it.

Nvm it doesn't matter. It was never meant to be, and should never have happened... But it did, and I didn't expect myself to be that way. I should just get over it and move on with life:)

oh well..

2012-02-05T18:55:00.002+08:00

didnt do much today, ate breakfast with my parents then came home to sleep again like a pig. woke up and went to buy a new pair of sports shoes for school cause my current pair was spoilt. shall treat this pair of shoes nicely and not abuse them. also, my shoe size decreased. yes. my feet shrank. must be due to excessive wearing of climbing shoes.

came home, decided to delete everything in my phone and start anew.

boring day.. relatives coming over later for reunion dinner. not close at all to my father's side, gonna sit through a whole meal putting on a false front and tolerating sarcastic remarks.

anyway yesterday's climbing was really damn fun.

but it ended on a damn painful note.. shall just leave it as that.

k my relatives are here alr. time to go make small talk with them!

Damn it

2012-01-28T19:02:00.001+08:00

There's no way anybody can take away climbing from me. Not even my own parents. Nobody is gonna take away the one thing that brightens up my life. Don't let me climb? Then I'm not gonna study. You might think that forcing me to stay at home and not go climbing will make me study. No. It's not gonna work that way. Without doing something I love, there's no way I'm motivated to work hard in my academics. So I ended up forcing myself to sleep the whole day. I even purposely missed tonight's reunion dinner. There's no way I'm going to let this pass. It's either you let me off from this shit or i die trying to break away from it.

Values

2012-01-26T21:05:00.003+08:00

Saw some of the values one of my close friend has in his facebook info.

i really agree that with his values that for one to live a meaningful life:

1) always be honest

2) never say die

3) never rage

4) never emo

well not never, but should be as little as possible.

nevertheless, i really admire him that he follows this values closely; in fact i rarely see him rage or emo and he is always hardworking in everything he does. respect.

and i think thats something i can learn a lot from.

shall not blog so much. time to do econs project if not im screwed. hope i survive this week. its not gonna be easy, but SH2 was never supposed to be.

How do I give a title for this posts, if there's just too many things on my mind?

2012-01-25T22:05:00.002+08:00

Today marks the day of my return to school after CNY.

Damn I wish CNY didn't end so fast, but i did enjoy myself and i did miss school a little.

Today's OAC was fun, we built most of the structure. despite the knots being not so tied, i think the members did a very good job and I am quite happy to see that our efforts in teaching them did pay off somehow. Also saw the OAC banner which i didnt get to paint cause I was sick last week. I think its really nice.

But what really bothered me today was the long talks with Miss G. and not just only one long talk. there were three long talks in just one day. other than vetting through my climbing annual plan, the one major thing that affected me a lot was the decision of cutting down climbing trainings to only once a week. which really shocked me.

after thinking it through, i realised how it all contradicts.

In order to start a new CCA Climbing, we need to do very well in competitions, so well that we should be winning achievements for the school. that means at least top 8 in bouldering comps which is insane. But how do we achieve that? By having rigorous training. But why can't we have that? Because we cannot have too many trainings per week as we already have OAC trainings.

sigh.

i really hope this year's batch of climbers would be extremely passionate. It is a waste that my batch's passion was never developed to its full potential. But I am damn willing to do anything, and i even considered some crazy plans ken suggested, just to push for this dream to be a reality.

damn it time to do work. im just feeling too damn sleepy now. feeling damn bad for missing lignum dance pracs. sigh. its too bad i cant feel happy anymore. it's just me, my life, my friends, my family and my responsibilities. no time for other shit.

Decision made

2012-01-20T06:11:00.001+08:00

So after seeking advice from many people including Miss G,

I decided I will join H3.

It's a tough decision that comes with many challenges,

But maybe if I just push myself beyond my comfort zone,

Maybe, just maybe,

I can pull this off.

Anyway yesterday was quite a good day. Went to school with ken and it was a rush cause i caused him to be late for gm :( felt bad for that but i guess he is ok with it. Started the morning with pt but gave up after 3 rounds cause I started panting. Shouldn't have been so stupid and run right after I recovered. During assembly Mr Lee seemed to be quite concerned that I came back after 1 say when I got a 3 day MC. But honestly I think im fine. The lessons that day were pretty fine, other than econs which was sian cause I really dont like her and I wish I had mr Eli back. He is someone who can push me to get my A, not this woman who reads everything off the notes. But oh well, you lose some good teachers, and you gain some bad teachers. Similarly, you lose some bad teachers and you gain some good teachers. Also, you keep some good and bad teachers. After school I spent some time with my class revising the OGL dances and after that me and Zhi Yong went to 'borrow' some chairs from the hall and washed them clean for the boulder gym. Also thought of a new idea for Thursdays :P went for H3 after that. Surprisingly I sort of understood what was going on. Rushed down for climbing immediately after it ended and was glad to see filbert there. Hope the climbing team would expand even more :) we didn't do much today because my plan of starting the 4321 training scheme was delayed cause miss g forgot to take the key to open the cage to set up the high wall. I guess that's ok cause I dont mind starting off slack on the first training in school, and also cause we managed to tweak and set some new routes for OC, but training is gonna get tougher real soon :P
The day then ended with my whole family coming my house for reunion dinner. Although I was late, I was glad to see many of my cousins again. CNY has always been the happiest time of my year.
Ok anyway I gtg to meet ken now to go take mrt to school together. Shall end off abruptly here. Cant wait to invite my class to my house over later! Shall make a post about CNY later.

decisions

2012-01-18T22:26:00.003+08:00

its so hard to balance commitments...

should i give up H3 Chem?

i feel that it is too much..

acads + OAC + climbing.

and a part of me wants to give up H3 cause of my responsibilities.

I dont want to be known as a senior who is always MIA on OAC Monday Trainings and MIA on Thursday Climbing Trainings..

Fuck.

If only i wasnt offered H3. then i wouldnt have to make a choice.

but tomorrow i have to make up my mind. will talk to Miss G about it and get some advice from her.

im not being pessimistic here, i am really serious when i think i would not be able to cope.

i dont want to end up getting a mere pass and not getting As cause i had to study for H3.

its like handling 3 CCAs all at once. i know i wont be able to take it.

some retard may say that i am foolish for giving up this opportunity, for setting my priorities wrongly.

but i dont care. its my life. i choose what i want and if i were to regret, it would be my own fault.

so unless i am convinced by miss g's advice tmr,

my mind is set.

i'm choosing my responsibilities over the school's fail attempt at trying to use me as a tool again to get them their academic glory.

_l_ you NJ Chem Dept.

I got the bronze for chem olympiad without any of your help.

and i am sick of not getting any help from some crap ass teacher that is going to teach me H3.

i'll feel really bad to jia ying though, its like im going to pang seh her.

damn. i wish i had 14 days a week. life is just too short, time is just too little.

JC Life is just too short to get into a relationship; to make new and long lasting friends; to develop oneself as a leader; to cope well academically; to be the master of time.

i remember how Samuel asked me how i manage my time so well.

I didn't know how to answer him.

I just did everything to the best of my ability.

But right now, H3 is something beyond me.

So would I be someone who people look up to and say "hey look, its the guy who helped develop climbing in NJ!" or "hey look, its the guy that got Distinction for H3 Chem!"

Because honestly, the latter is not something I would be very proud of. There are others in this country who can achieve that.

But being a great senior is something few can be.

AN UPDATE

2012-01-15T22:08:00.002+08:00

havent posted for quite some time.

actually i wanted to post lots of stuff, just that whenever i type finish all of it, i decide to erase everything.

Its something like venting your anger out on something and then releasing your rage, and then once you're done you dont feel so angry anymore and so you just delete everything.

well im not angry now, so i dont think im going to be deleting everything once again.

a lot has happened as usual.

there was the mad homework holiday rush, which i am still rushing now,

then there was intensive climbing training,

which lead up to gravical,

which resulted in mixed feelings of satisfaction and disappointment,

but also rebounded with a strong sense of determination as always.

then came OGL camp,

the memories of OG days come back again,

except this time i play a different role,

but definitely a more enjoyable one.

dance practices after dance practices,

getting to know more people in my house,

and maybe, just maybe,

met the right people.

then school started,

it was life as usual,

same people different classroom,

still as fun as ever,

made me realise how much i really missed my class during the holidays,

and how i must really treasure this year.

also had mixed feelings towards the teachers this year,

but was happy to get Mr Lee back nonetheless.

then there was the JH Walk In

never felt so high before,

never discovered that dancing would be so fun.

and then came the preparation for OAC orientation camp,

and all the discussions about future climbing plans,

and all the crazy shit that just makes me laugh.

what does this new year hold for me?

i will soon find out.

Christmas

2011-12-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

I really enjoyed myself today :)

went with Zi Wei, Ken and Xin Xian to go climb at CA this afternoon. met ken earlier to give him his DRAGON CLIMBER singlet as his birthday present and to eat lunch with him at subway.

today's climbing was great, Zi Wei is gaining more experience and is improving :D I hope he can get at least two bonuses for the upcoming Gravical! XX as usual looked down on herself but i think she climbs quite well, she just needs more confidence :)

talking about gravical, i'm quite worried for it. so far in my life, i havent completed any routes before in any climbing competitions, other than in carnivals. damn sian. but i know gravical will be my chance. i know this is my time to shine. i know i've made significant improvement ever since rockmaster. i just need to be at my top performance on the actual competition date and maybe even go into my rage mode. today i discovered that my climbing ability is partly fuelled by rage mainly due to inability to complete a route. im quite surprised myself :O hope this is a good thing.. also, i realised that the jc bouldering league counts in the top 2 girls in our team, and we have no girl climber in NJ, cause XX is unofficial. DAMN IT. really need to attract more girls into climbing next year if not NJ can say hello to last place again. AND THERES NO WAY I WANT TO BE LAST PLACE. I'LL GLADLY SPLIT MY FINGER SKIN WIDE OPEN IF I HAVE TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO GIRLS IN OUR TEAM.

i dont know what the hell am i typing but i really am pumped up for next year's competition. i want to have a good start next year. i want to push myself to overcome the next plateau.

also quite worried about the climbers now. hopefully they would come for more trainings next year since most of them are quite busy now. and also hope that the next CAO would do a much better job than me, to help everyone in the team to surpass their next plateau.

sigh. i really worry too much sometimes, so much so until i dont give a shit about other things. maybe thats why i just dont give a damn about relationships anymore. i think i grew out of it somehow, and finally realised that i have all my life to look for the perfect person and that i am still young. i'd rather skip the heartbreaks and all that shit when im young and just live happily as i am with all my friends.

lol lost my mood to blog anymore. going to go off and do maths now. SIAN.

bye for now.

CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB

INSANE I AM INSANE

i think i am addicted to climbing again.

Leadership

2011-12-15T21:31:00.001+08:00

Ok I think the title of this post says it all about what I'm gonna discuss about today.

Lately I've been looking around me, thinking to myself, what truly is leadership? I've met several people who I feel have a very wrong idea of what leadership truly is about.

First let me make something clear. I'm not saying I am a good leader. Everyone has their flaws whether or not they are leaders or not. I'm also not defining leadership. This is just my personal opinion.

I think it's really wrong to define leadership. Its something that each one of us can define ourselves. But of course there are some things that leaders should not do. One such thing is defining leadership. There is no one definition, one fixed and rigid way of leading.

I feel that leaders should be able to talk and act, not just do one of the two. Leaders should never look down on the most simple and mundane duties. A leader should be humble and know where he stands and empathize with his men. A leader plans and tries his best when it comes to executing his plan. It may not work out very well, there would always be screw ups, but so long as he doesn't give up and he has never pushed his responsibilities to others, he has done his duty as a leader. No matter what kind of shit happens, a leader must always stay strong and not give in to setbacks. A leader must not be arrogant and must always have humility towards his juniors.

It's ok for a leader to be weak in some areas, but he must at least excel in other areas. Leadership is not about getting rid of your flaws, it's about outshining them with your skills. A leader must always make smart decisions whether they be right or wrong and must always care for the welfare of his men.

This will probably be the last time I blog about leadership. It isn't something that should be talked about but I just feel like letting it out. I wonder if people even still read my blog though. I may be just talking to nobody lol. I read through all that I have just typed. Personally I haven't met these requirements for a leader that I just talked about. But I know I never will. accepting failure is the first step to strong leadership.

That was weird.

Wonder why I even blogged that.

Off to do my homework...

hmm

2011-12-15T00:02:00.002+08:00

so time to update again before retarded bots start flooding my tagboard.

anyway a lot has happened for the past few days.

wonder if anybody still reads this shit.

the other day i was thinking of this really cool concept.

i realised that the world really is superficial. even i am superficial to some extent. its sad huh. judging people by their appearance. it drives us to attempt to achieve an impossible perfection, whether it be a slim figure or a buff body. whatever. society has brainwashed us so much that we even forget who we are ourselves and end up trying to be somebody else.

so i thought of a cool concept.

everyone in this world should just be blindfolded.

love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, therefore is winged cupid blind.

this way we wont judge people by their looks.

ugly guy/girl? its ok. i cant see your looks anyway, i'll judge you based on your character. the things you say, the actions you take etc. sometimes i wonder if these eyes, these very pair of eyes i have for 17 years, are they just showing me false images? have we all been seeing what we want to see?

at least in this screwed up society i still keep my sanity and i still maintain a close circle of friends.

i dont ever want to grow up and face the shit that would be thrown at me.

ok im going off topic again.

basically what happened for the past few days

my birthday

class chalet

overseas trip

climbing

OGL stuff

OAC stuff

other random shit

a simple list of what i do. but my life revolves around them, and if i have to live without them then...

I DONT WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE

...

2011-12-01T01:51:00.001+08:00

I got no idea why im still up and awake at this time. A lot has been on my mind.

Once again I question my existence. I question this whole purpose of jc life.

I can only regret. The ungrateful decision was made which really tears me apart. I think I'm quite selfish sometimes. But it's for the long term benefit. Sacrifices have to made no matter how painful they are.

Would I actually grow up a successful man but with no friends? If I do, honestly, I'd rather be poor but happy with living with the people around me.

And then there's the conduct grade. Idk how am I gonna get out of this one. Hopefully the school will be kind enough to understand how blur I was to misread the timetable and miss econs lecture. But if they want to drop my conduct grade again I guess there's nothing I can or would have the energy to do. My parents really think I screwed up my life with all the conduct grade shit.

I don't give a fuck.

Like I said. Conduct grades are meant to reflect how much the school thinks u confirm to its rules. To me, it's better to be keeping my morals and dignity rather than be a school dog.

My parents asked me to fake an MC out to explain to the teacher as to why I missed econs lecture. I decided not to. And in a way I was also disgusted. What happened to values like honesty? It's ironic if I lie about what I did and end up not getting a lowered conduct grade.

But ultimately i don't care what happens. Excellent, very good, good, poor, fair? Whatever. Even if it affects my future scholarship it's ok. At least I live with a clear conscience and I know I stick to the right morals.

Or have I?

Or am I just another bastard?

Been a long time since i had these thoughts. I can still remember how happy I was last year nearing my birthday. December 2010 was so great. I miss it so much that just the thought of it makes me regret a lot.

I hope you're doing well wherever you may be, whatever you may do, even though now I may just very well be a forgotten memory.

End of the road?

2011-11-25T08:45:00.001+08:00

On the bus now on the way to school. Decided to blog since its gonna take quite long to reach and im probably gonna be late.

Can't believe this is the last day of school for this year. Even though I've been looking forward to this day for quite long, both with excitement and a tinge of sadness. This means lesser class interaction. This also means we only have one year left with each other. Jc life is too short to cope with all of it's syllabus and to forge really strong friendships. I always thought that suffering together would forge greater bonds. But maybe that's only for physical suffering; just like in scouts. In this education that we have it's all just becoming more of a struggle for alphabets. What ever happened to values? When the hell has all mottos of all schools become achieving academic excellence?? Maybe it's just nj? I don't think so.

It's just ironic. The more I think about it the more I feel that if you do well in academics your conduct grade's gonna be excellent. But the thing about conduct grades is, is it really a good measure of the values the student has, or does it reflect how much he is willing to conform to the school's iron grip? I think it's the latter. I've seen some pretty fucked up person in my class getting excellent conduct even though his character is like a pile of shit mixed with vomit. But why excellent conduct? Because he do as he is told; he obeys mindlessly.

Ok why am I talking about this. Back to my main topic.

Yesterday was a great day although the weather couldn't make up its mine whether or not to be against us. Anyway overall it was alright other than Zi Wei getting his cert screwed up (sorry!) and the freaking side gate being locked. Was also quite happy that we have a new member, Deepak, into climbing. Hopefully we can achieve our goal of getting more members :D

Finally reached botanic gardens. Gonna buy some snacks before going to school.

Today is gonna be another great day though. Ok time to go :) shall blog at home later.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

2011-11-23T22:24:00.000+08:00

IT SUCKS WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY OFFEND SOMEONE WHEN YOU DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT

I SHOULD REALLY WATCH WHAT I SAY NEXT TIME, I JUST TAKE EVERYTHING LESS SERIOUSLY NOWADAYS FUCKKKKKK

Thoughts

2011-11-20T23:49:00.001+08:00

I think a lot before I sleep. Even now, as I lie on my bed typing this using my phone, I think about what I thought about last night, it felt so long ago. Saturday night was just yesterday. It all feels so surreal. So dream like. As if the events on Friday never happened. But I know I have to face reality tmr again. It's going to hit me hard in the face.

Anyway last night as I was falling asleep, I thought about something that bothered me a little.

I recalled that Saturday afternoon I went climbing with Zhi Yong at CA. He saw my NJ shoe bag and commented negative things about it. I didn't know what was wrong with it and took a closer look at it. Three words were stuck in my head for that whole day. The three infamous words that all NJCians dislike/like.

Service with honour. The school motto. The quality that we, as NJ students, should be imbued with.

But that made me think. How true is this really?

How is studying so hard, working my ass off, getting good results really service with honour to my country? Well on one hand, I don't feel that its very honorable to study so much. The only contribution that brings is most likely a fat bonus to the arrogant Chem department. But I try and make a link between studying hard in NJ, and to its school motto of service with honour. I realize that there is no link. Studying is not bringing service to your country. If I wanted to have true service with honour I would have enlisted long ago. No. What I discovered was that this academically focussed college causes us students to aim for personal success for one's own honour. Not for success to the country. Nor for glory to his/her country. How many of us can truly say that we study hard so that we can improve on Singapore's economic growth when we go out to the working world in the future? This world is a selfish one and this country is no different. It's every worker for himself, every student for himself.

So yes, those are my sentiments. It just bugs me that I don't feel much sense of patriotism when I'm in a school which has a motto that stresses the importance of contributing to Singapore. Maybe because it's all just a well orchestrated hoax that has been going on since 1969 and we are just fools in this paper chase for personal excellence. And in the end, we just end up neglecting the weak and the outcasts.

But I do agree, to some extent, with the other 3 mottos about leadership with sensitivity, scholarship with creativity, loyalty with integrity. Those qualities are truly what a student should have. A sensitive, creative and well learned leader that is honest and loyal to his/her friends and family.

But let's face it. I don't see how doing what we do in school (studying, CCA etc.) is considered an honourable act, and does it actually contribute to our country other than giving teachers a job? If this school want to fulfill its service with honour motto we should all be building families to answer a nation's calling.

Worst day ever

2011-11-18T19:08:00.002+08:00

chain of events for today.

a lunch break that was too short.

a group of students skipping lectures.

the group gets punished.

a boy gets abandoned.

the boy gets scolded.

the boy thinks to himself,

should i just give up everything?

what's the point in doing all of this,

if none of it is appreciated.

if everyone is just too controlled by the school.

i don't understand.

many people complain about how the school is restricting them from having fun in their CCAs, etc.

but truly, is it really the school?

or is it because we, as students, chose to become like this, to conform to what the school wants us to be? and even though we lament about it, we dont realise how we've already been manipulated.

i thought i could trust. i thought i could hope. i thought i could believe. all of that was false.

maybe i should just give up. i dont have to do all of this shit. i dont have to tolerate all of this crap on behalf of everyone. i dont have to do so much for this responsibility.

BUT WHY?

why am i still continuing? why am i still persevering? passion. hope. glory. but if im the only one who has all of these, im fighting a losing battle.

but this will be the last time i'll feel like this. its time to get things straight. either you're in, or you're out. no more fucking optional anymore. if you truly want to excel, then stay. i had enough of being treated like shit. im gonna put in all my time and effort, im gonna give everything i got. and if that isnt enough, thats too bad, im no longer giving a damn anymore. because if you wouldn't, why should I? i might as well pursue my own passion with people who really want to be on this journey with me.

i guess ken was right. this school really doesn't focus on CCA. and its not just the school. this will be the final push i give. no more. after that, if anything screws up again, im just gonna fuck it all.

maybe it would be better if i just quit school. im getting sick and tired of all this shit. its just stifling my potential rather than developing it. this place has no future. the reason why i stay is also slowly becoming a reason as to why i want to leave. but i will not just shake off my responsibilities. i will go all the way, till the end. even if it means killing myself, i will do it, AS LONG AS, this team, all of you guys, do your part too.

i should just go out and work now. but its a cruel world out there. and there's more for me to learn before im fully prepared to face society's wrath.

-.-

2011-11-17T08:30:00.001+08:00

And now there's a joker in nj uniform. What a failure at life and an epitome of the arrogance and ignorance of nj's chem dept. Hope I can pull this off having only studied so little. All I want now is just to return back to nj. To climbing and to my class. I don't belong here with a bunch of dogs who still believe in this teacher.

Stereotypes

2011-11-10T20:05:00.001+08:00

Sigh. I'm trying my best to gain some weight. To bulk up. To get out of this skinny body. But if some things just can't be done, they can't be done, and no matter how much u force it you'll only end up miserable.

And no being small sized does not mean one is a lousy leader. don't jump to conclusions. If a small sized person can be a good leader, it just means he is much better than the average person as he is not only able to achieve great leadership but he is also able to overcome social stereotypes to achieve it. That is a leader who is not hindered by opinions.

Leadership is something that can be nurtured. But if given the wrong environment, a potential leader would not be able to display his leadership potential.

Yeah im truly aware of the negative consequences of being small sized. People won't respect you. You can't get into a relationship easily. Getting a job would be more difficult. And much much more.

But damn it, if I am able to pull through, to show this fucked up judgmental world that I can still be successful despite my physical appearance, then that really shows how much effort I had to put in in order to achieve it. It's not easy being small. I know everyone has flaws in their lives. But have empathy too. You wouldn't like having your flaws picked on. Accept people for who they are. Try being me for once. Try enduring a lifetime of relatives bombarding you with how you are small build and useless.

I vow to show everyone someday that I am not as weak as they think I am. I will push forward. I will prove everybody wrong. Theres no stopping a determined soul.

I am trying my very best. Don't put me down when I'm already almost at my limit.

Whether skinny short tall fat ugly handsome, people are still people and they have emotions too.
I may not be the best leader, the best son, the best friend, the best student, the best whatever, but my conscience is clear as I know I gave my all to everything whether they are successful or not.

Time to bathe and do InR. Really scared that I may not have enough time to practice OP. may end up leaving camp on sat night instead :/

I'll end off with a quote I thought of myself.

"A true leader is someone who knows that there is no single definition of leadership."

Hmm

2011-11-09T20:11:00.001+08:00

Everyday we should be proud to be alive. If you are reading this, be thankful that you're still breathing, that you still have hope in your life no matter how insignificant it may be. Always treasure every single second because it could be your last.

Happiness or sadness, anger or content, we should love our life. There are so many people out there that want to live, so we should all appreciate how lucky we are to be alive.

you are me.

2011-11-07T22:56:00.004+08:00

sometimes i ask myself why.

you do so much. you cover for others. but yet you end up being the bad guy. you're not even given credit or appreciation. and yet you continue to tell yourself to be optimistic and resilient.

i feel sorry for you.

you used to have strong passion in you, now all you see is a glimmer of false hope. if only i could sympathize with you. but all i can do is empathize.

slowly you realised that the future is bleak. that all your effort would only go to waste. you began to have negative thoughts. what's the point? what's the point if to everyone you are just a fool? and much worse, you are hated by the very people you used to care about so much. and yet nobody understands. and you think to yourself, how meaningless this life is. everything you believed in - brotherhood, love, hope, family, friends, its all just a facade.

still, a tiny part of you wish that some things never happen. you start to think about outcomes that are impossible now that choices have been made, you start to regret those bad things you've done. you wish that you could just leave this world silently without any trace of your existence.

i really feel sorry for you. but i cannot help you.

you know that this would be the last time. you know that there are other places to go where life would be much better for you. and so you make the right priorities. but you will never forget the place you once had, the responsibility you owe.

but maybe all you need is one chance. one chance to start anew despite all the past setbacks.

i think you should take that chance no matter how much it would irk you. no matter how much you think that nothing good will come out of it. no matter how much it feels like hell to you when once it was heaven.

i hope you do fine for your future. really worried about you. but just some advice - always look forward, eventually things will be better and your life will sort itself out as long as you set your priorities right. and i hope you don't ever turn into the type of people that you despise so much.

shall end off here and send my InR and go to sleep. hopefully there is no maktab tmr morning. anyway too tired to blog about what happened today but overall the mini class outing to rosemund's house was fun. mr lee came too. we played badminton and tennis and spent a lot of time figuring out gavin's extremely WTF card trick. the lunch and dinner was nice, really thankful that her parents cooked for us. looking forward to the next class outing and class chalet soon :)

goodnight!

Climbnival

2011-11-06T20:47:00.002+08:00

Ok so i know Climbnival was yesterday, but i only updated today. that's cause i'm so damn tired. my body feels so sore. strangely my arms recovered quite fast. nowadays after every climb my arms regenerate really quickly. it's like all i have to do is to stretch a little, shake a little and then it feels alright again o.o maybe i should try doing pull ups by shaking my arms after getting tired and continuing again, maybe that way i can do even more. hmm.

anyway yesterday was quite a satisfying day. scored 7.2k points, quite satisfied with myself. but i know, i know that i did not train enough, and this isnt my full potential. there's still so much to learn, so much to overcome. it's as if im stuck at this level for way too long. it's time to overcome the next plateau. and we climbers are going to improve together. no more getting shitty results during competition. no more feeling demoralised that we cannot complete routes. and i felt kinda shitty when registering yesterday, cause our names weren't under any category when other school climbers had their names under their school name. made me think to myself, i really need to get NJ's reputation up. if not we would just become a lost memory, a forgotten failure. but never mind that. After yesterday I only became even more motivated to bring our climbing team to greater heights. i really hope next year will be one that is fulfilling. i don't want to see everything crashing down, knowing that i'm to blame. i know for sure i would meet some setbacks here and there, i can already foresee them even now. i just hope i can stay strong next year.

think my body is kinda weak. after yesterday i kept falling asleep and kept getting stomach ache. must have overexerted. really need to start training intensively. i think doing the 100 reps stuff once every two days isnt enough. i need to do it everyday in order to overcome the next plateau. i'm kinda scared though. i'm afraid of overclimbing, overrunning, overdoing all my exercises. because i may lose weight. i don't want to lose weight anymore. i had enough. i need to put on some weight if not im screwed during my NS years.

ok i had enough. no more scrawny boy. its time to grow up. both mentally and physically.

ok time to finish up InR and sleep early for tmr. going for class outing at bestie's house!! :D looking forward to it a lot!

shit

2011-11-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

today was a fun day. too lazy to elaborate but it was a fun day.

climbnival tmr. feel so unprepared. bloody weather. if not we could have trained more often...

doing InR now. glad that i finally started. but cant think of constructive shit to write.

idk why but i feel like shit now.

getting more frustrated nowadays. no matter how much happy times i go through, i still cant help but feel like shit. because i know deep down all this could be taken away easily.

the more i live, the less i feel alive.

shall end off early. going to sleep now goodnight everyone. it is a sad world out there..

fulfilling day

2011-11-03T20:25:00.002+08:00

today was a really great and fulfilling day even though i was really exhausted.

woke up at around 9 and rushed to bathe and eat. thankfully my mum gave me a lift to school. reached slightly late for OAC meeting. we discussed quite a lot of stuff. helped zhi yong check the gas lamps/stoves. it was really fun cause one of the gas stove was leaking really badly and so we decided to light it up at some corner to leave it to burn until no more gas would come out because from past experiences, opening the gas canister would make it freeze.

after that went to play basketball with joel yip and zhi yong. was fun cause we kept air balling and after that we had a great game with matthias and some of his classmates. could really feel the teamwork among the three of us even though we were outnumbered :)

then we went to eat lunch. felt quite bad for wasting the guo tiao mian that i bought cause i had no appetite. hate to sleep so late and lose my appetite the next day :( met kah siong at the canteen, and we went to the rock wall soon after.

met ken and xinxian there. me, ken, zhi yong and kah siong went to run. felt quite good that i ran 6 rounds even though i felt really cui. li tong was sitting at the grandstand watching us run. then we all went for climbing!

miss tan came with the key. we set up the high wall. cant believe that it didnt rain that badly when we climbed the high wall. looks like all the praying and hoping really paid off. samuel got a flapper quite early thru belaying (LOL) and then we did lots of laps. was really tired and faced lots of difficulty for the first route but after a while i regained my confidence and momentum and managed to do 4 laps on the wall :D really happy that i reached a new milestone. sucky thing was when we were packing up, i let slip the twine and it ran all the way through. luckily zhi yong helped to put it back through the top of the wall after much lol moments. really appreciated ray aun helping to take photos of us climbing too which can be used for posters for next year's get boulder! planning for it really makes me look forward to it. i want to make it a big success!!

after climbing ended it started raining. really thankful it didnt rain during climbing. then zhi yong went home. the rest of us, xinxian samuel joel ken and me went to eat subway at bishan. then went home and bathe and now im online.

was a really tiring but fulfilling day. will sleep early tonight:)

this is a title

2011-11-02T20:14:00.002+08:00

went back to school again today to help zhi yong take stock of OAC store. came late cause i overslept :X overall it was a good day cause we cleared some of the stuff in the store, mainly the tool boxes and the ponchos groundsheets etc.

lately i've been really thinking a lot. about life.

well i discovered two things.

1) i think this world i live in (or at least Singapore) is extremely screwed up. why are people listening to k-pop? why do people nowadays listen to music they dont even understand, but they like to listen to it because of the tune? what ever happened to meaningful songs with great lyrics? why is the music industry dominated by superficial crap? i just dont understand what happened to this world. I wish i could have been born earlier. where life was so much simpler back then. when people listened to music that truly taught them life lessons, rather than the shit we have now. i'm sorry if any of you here reading this like listening to that kind of music and u feel offended. but it doesnt matter cause i've offended too many people already with the things i type on this blog. but thats just my thoughts and nobody asked you to read it. i just cant help it but feel that something is terribly wrong.

2) we are humans. we have emotions. yet nowadays this world we live in is so cold. sure there are people around me that make my life cheerful and great, but i still see shit in this seemingly perfect environment. why are people power hungry? why would people sacrifice friendship for leadership? sometimes its better to do the sai kang than just act like a supervisor/IC. empathy is a great skill everyone should learn. im not targetting anyone. its just something that bugs me sometimes. yeah you may get straight As, the most prestigious awards and the best testimonial, but whats all that if you lose all your friends and even neglect your family? How is that life? in this endless pursuit of excellence, we ironically become cold-hearted creatures. one's character is just as important as one's capability.

i don't know what else to write because what ever i write i end up backspacing again. shall end here today.

oh and here's an example of crap.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSuBZTW48YI&feature=topvideos_music

and here is an example of true music which is meaningful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erFxFsTZaMs

...

2011-11-01T00:51:00.003+08:00

i have to set my priorities straight.

i wish

its time to choose. the choice is clear.

that i

appreciation or ostracism.

could only

which idiot would choose ostracism.

give up

me.

but I

but this will be the final time.

cannot as

its 1am. multitasking three things at once.

a part

is it just me.

of me

or do i now type with spaces in between lines.

would not

its because i hope somehow

allow this

someone would be able to read between the lines.

to happen

i dont understand the world

2011-10-31T19:18:00.002+08:00

so it's been a long time since i blogged.

i probably shouldnt be blogging today.

got lots of stuff to do.

PW OP, OAC Proposals, etc. etc.

and i still feel kinda bad for not doing....

priorities. one of my biggest worries and fears.

i used to think 24 hours a day was too much. now i wish i had much more...

today i grew up and matured quite a bit. i finally saw the world in a different light once again.

we hate on others for their flaws, yet we don't realise the similar flaws that we have too.

pot calling the kettle black.

i won't say much about what i know. i dont want to implicate anybody.

don't hate on someone or be disgusted by a person.

everyone has their flaws no matter how vile they are.

and you're no different.

so grow up and stop stirring trouble.

yeah you might hate me for typing this out but

im not going to do nothing about this.

next matter.

give you all an analogy.

a fish doesn't know how to climb, but it can swim very well. does that make the fish stupid?

well to singapore's education, yes, the fish is fucking stupid because EVERYONE must know how to climb.

i finally realised this today. how screwed up it is.

you can't judge a leader based on his academic results

so here's a big middle finger for you, education _|_

shall not blog much today cause got lots of stuff to do like i said

now that chinese a levels is over and pw is almost done, i will blog more nowadays.

The saddest day of my life.

2011-10-10T20:00:00.001+08:00

I haven't felt so lost and empty in my life before. As I alighted from the bus and I walked towards my house, I cried uncontrollably. The third time I cried this year. Shit. And to think I didn't want to cry for this whole year. But at least I know I'm still human. I still care. I still worry.

Wiped away my tears when I reached home but just the thought of it still makes me want to cry. And I know guys aren't suppose to cry only unless someone passed away. But today, something precious and dear to me was taken away. NJ is confirmed going to tear down the boulder gym to extent the art block. It will be done end of this year. When Miss Gao first told me about it, I was lost for words. I couldn't believe it. I felt betrayed and outraged. I wanted to just break down there and then. But there were many people. I wasn't going to cry and show weakness in front of others. And don't ask me to suck it up. I am only human. I have emotions too. This incident also revealed to me friends whom I can trust and friends who I can't. Fair weather friends. I found one in NJ when I chose to believe I wouldn't find any. Moreover, i was ordered through Miss Gao by the school to not tell anyone except the climbers about it cause they want to make it a surprise thing that they are extending the art block. That made me feel even more angry. It's as if they don't even care about how I feel, how all the climbers feel. So fuck NJ. I'm telling everyone to show everyone how fucked up the system is.

I am a CAO. I have responsibilities. What am I going to do now without the facilities? I also felt as if I was stripped of my duties. Some tell me to petition. Others tell me to rebel. But honestly I don't know what I can do. I never felt so lost in my life. But as a leader I must keep my composure. I must wear a mask of confidence and happiness. But idk what to do anymore. How can life go on? After all the effort. The blood and sweat we put into the boulder gym. All the unforgettable times I spent climbing there. The joy of falling on a mattress and getting punished planks by Miss Gao for not spotting.

In the end, the legacy of climbers would become a lost memory. People will just remember me as a CAO that lead the team into demolition, not the CAO that brought glory for the school.

I am sorry that I failed all of you. I should do something against the school but im too overwhelmed to think about anything.

Maybe someday if I become rich, I can build a boulder gym in NJ under my name..

Promos

2011-09-29T12:01:00.000+08:00

And so tomorrow marks the day that promos start. GP first then Econs. Feel prepared/unprepared at the same time.

Exactly one week from now, I would be celebrating like crazy that Promos are over.

Too bad there's still the damn Chinese 'A' Levels nearing after that.

And not to mention the hectic rush for PW.

Just finished studying Econs chapter 3 to 4. shall breeze through chapter 2 after lunch and then read up some skills for gp essays and AQ and summary.

GOODBYE

Tired

2011-09-25T22:55:00.001+08:00

There's school tomorrow. Spent my weekend quite productively. Finished up my part for WR today. Fell sick yesterday cause I kept sleeping late every night. Time to come up with a new plan for revising. Though time is getting lesser and lesser. Shit. It's less than a week away. I wish teachers would stop giving us work. We need to study. I wish there was holidays before promos. Just like common test. Two study days isn't sufficient. Dk how I'm going to do two econs essays and at the same time revise everything. Feel so screwed up. JC life, one of the most demanding period of your life that will stretch you to your maximum potential. Yet sometimes I think. Think ever so hard. What am I studying for? Its all just for grades... Why is the world so competitive? So only the best and excel... Zhi Yong quoted George Carlin before, he said life was about waking up, eating, taking a good shit and sleeping again. If only it were that simple.

Anyway for the past week i've been having good talks with Zhi Yong and Nicholas about life. I realized me and Zhi Yong have a lot in common, especially in our thoughts and mindset. As for Nicholas, I can feel that we have this unannounced friendship. You know those kind of friends you can make fun of but you know you're still friends? Yeah those kind...

Studying econs now. I feel like giving up on schoolwork and just mug my ass off for promos. Ok that's what I'll do.

Lazy

2011-09-20T22:21:00.001+08:00

Getting lazier to post stuff. Too caught up in all the work to give time for myself to reflect through blogging. Regardless, I shall write another poem..

A young boy
An old man
Too similar differences
Happy but sad;
Childish but wise.
Alone they face
Life's simple complications,
Pursuing endless success,
Yet halting to regrets.

If he is just one boy
Why is he a man?
If he is a man,
Why is he a boy?
But he is just one
With problems of two.

Back to school. Again.

2011-09-19T21:26:00.001+08:00

Stayed up late last night to finish up integration tutorial 2. Woke up this morning later than usual and rushed to bathe and eat and pack my bag. My mum drove me to school and she talked to me about something bad that happened recently. Hope things turn out fine in the end. But I'm worried. Really worried...

Reached school. Instinctively walked to the OAC Store. Eunice and Zi Wei was inside. Finished up the last question for int techniques tutorial. Filbert and Yi Ting came in halfway. Assembly was going to start soon so we left and we saw Fu Zhi and Hui Qi outside. I locked the door and proceeded to the parade square with the rest.

Assembly was ok. Everything went smoothly. Somehow there were no announcements and pub stunt.

Physics lesson first. Went thru COE. Understood Discussion question 3. Started going my DC Circuits.

Break. Went with NJ081 to go buy our group project file. Its with me now, safe and sound at home.

It was Chinese next. Did a mock paper. Did quite ok and felt quite satisfied with it.

Then break. Went to eat lunch. The usual western meal.

Then Chem. It was ok. Forgot to bring my notes though but Jia Ying shared with me.

Maths lecture. Did the new notes. Miss Tan was the new lecturer.

GP. Did a timed practice Promo paper from last year.

PE. Played captain's ball with a tennis ball then later a volleyball. It was fun blocking the ball.

Studied with some of my classmates after school. Many of them left until left only Zhi Yong and Nicholas and Rosemund. When it was getting late she called her parents to go pick her up from school whereas me Zhi Yong and Nicholas were offered a ride to Marymount by Mr Lee who took pity on us lol. Felt quite bad today cause i was quite cranky and behave like an ass towards Nicholas and Zhi Yong today. Really sorry. Don't know what happened to me. Must be having a bad day. Sigh. And yet fearful thoughts kept penetrating my head the whole day. I just hope nothing serious happens. God shouldn't do this. If there is a God he shouldn't do this... Life is unfair. 2nd time I cried this year after hoping that I won't cry this whole year. Shit. I'm really scared. But I dont want to tell anyone about it. People have enough to worry about - exams, work, etc. And so do I. Maybe I should just occupy myself with all this shit to keep my mind off it. I just wish so damn hard nothing bad will happen. Going through the same shit in sec 3 was bad enough, please God, if you really do exist, don't let something like that really come true...

End of the first week of school

2011-09-17T10:09:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was a meaningful day. It's one of those days that you realize you grow up a little in your maturity.

Can't really remember everything that happened yesterday cause I was quite tired.

Woke up at 4am in the morning yesterday cause I had a very strange dream and checked my phone. Rosemund asked me to meet her in the morning to lend her my notes cause she didn't go to school on Wednesday and missed all the notes for lecture. So I came to school quite early, about 6.40am I reached school and went to sit at the benches. Did a bit of my work. Chester came later and we talked for a while. Then Rosemund finally came and she sat on the bench beside me. I lent her my DC circuits and organic chem notes. She tried to do the organic chem questions and I helped her a bit but end up during the Chem lecture after that I realized I taught her some parts wrongly lol.

We completed those two topics during phy and chem lecture. I guess that's it. We're all armed up for the promos.

After lecture we had a break. The 5 gate climbers went to see MG at the staff room. Thankfully she didn't scold us but just told us we were silly and the usual warnings. Then our punishment was to clean the boulder gym wall but that's ok since I was planning to do that after promos anyway. So my punishment so far is a drop in my conduct grade, CWO of moving tables and chairs for exams and cleaning the boulder gym wall. Quite ok considering how strict the school is...

Rushed to eat my food in the canteen and went for GP after that. We did this fun activity which involved arranging ourselves based on our level of importance when each of us were given random age, gender, job and nationality. However it really exposed me to why Zi Wei dislikes big bag. He was in my group and he kept insisting he was the most important. We actually alr decided (based on random dice lol) who was least and most important. Guess he took it too seriously cause when we were standing in one row, he insisted on changing position with another guy in our group so that he would be the most important. I was utterly disgusted. Wtf. He just wants to have his way. And regardless of what role he got, he would have twisted his way into being the most important, which just shows how superior he views himself. But anyway I'm in no position to judge. Just to feel sickened by a few people in my school. It really opens my eyes to how futup people can be... Then again, everyone has their flaws.

Chinese after that. It was ok. Went through the same chapter.

Then we had break. We went to raintree cafe to eat a bit and finish up the rest of COE for physics lesson.

3 periods of physics next cause no more spa. She showed us a cool ripple tank experiment for the first period and the next hour she went through the rest of superposition and a bit of COE. Was sitting beside Zi Ren and we talked about china scholars and how boarding school was like for him. Realize it's actually tough to leave one's own country to go into a foreign land to study.

Then we had GC. Watched the movie and did reflection. Some of us started a mass convo on what's app and talked crap.

PW lecture was alright. I realized that jc life can really stress people up. I sort of feel sad that becoming close friends is really difficult in jc cause everyone has too much on their mind, until we get so frustrated that we forget who really cares about us... And that happens to me too. Whenever I'm too f-ed up with all the work and all the responsibilities, I come back home and snap at my family members when they try and talk to me and I hurt them accidentally when all they wanted was to show their care and concern. It's hard to maintain harmonious relations when life gives you so much shit to handle. But I believe through suffering together, it will be a true test of one's friendship with others.

After lecture we had GP Lecture. Went through our CA2. Was getting quite sleepy by then.

Then went to study at the raintree cafe with Rosemund, Han Ru, Leon, Nicholas, Gavin, Benny and Jin Yong. Han Ru left quite early. Very soon Rosemund and Gavin left too. She couldn't finish her cookie so she gave it to me to eat hehe. Then only left me, Nicholas, Leon and Benny cause Jin Yong left soon after. We all started talking about our life stories, the different ups and downs that we went through before. It was really interesting cause I got to know all of them better, especially Leon. Thats the main part of yesterday which really made me mature a little in word and deed. Mr Lee came later and gave Nicholas a chance to finish up his tutorial by tuesday instead cause it was getting late. He then drove the 4 of us to serene centre macs to eat dinner with us. He taught me something meaningful when he was talking to me about my gate climbing incident and about my conduct grade being dropped. He told me that just like doing Maktab duty, people wont remember and appreciate you despite all the effort and time you spent on doing that duty. But the moment u screw up, everyone remembers you for being a failure. That made me realize that no matter what good I do the school, as long as I break one minor rule like this, my entire future is tarnished. Life is so unfair. Ate our fill and bade goodbye to mr lee as we headed for the bus stop. Benny took bus somewhere else. Leon was having gastric and farted when Nic was behind him LOL. But Nic didn't know xD Leon took bus to newton and then mrt to orchard to meet his sis whereas Nicholas agreed to taking 156 with me home even though he had to walk quite far home from the bus stop he would alight at but I could tell he wanted to talk a little more.

Reached home. Did a bit of reaction kinetics and knocked out after that.

Woke up this morning and had a long debate in the car with my parents and sister about the punishment I received for my offence. They felt it was unfair cause I was getting double punishment (conduct grade and CWO) for just one minor mistake. My mum was furious and wanted to write a letter to my school but I told her not to because it was not worth it. Some day when I get the chance I'm going to voice out that we really need a one way gate at the bus stop. Fuck the cost of hiring security guard or installing such a gate. Think about your students first instead of budget. That's what a school is supposed to be, not a maximum security prison. For the benefit of future generations, open the damn gate for our convenience. I'm willing to take up all the punishments, so why arent you willing to change the system after realizing that for the past 15 years, students have been complaining about the gate problem? Don't just take all feedback as one ear in one ear out.

Rage. Talking about that makes my blood boil. Really wants to make me stand up for a good cause rather than do nothing.

So now I'm trapped in a dental clinic waiting for my turn to go in. Super long queue despite booking my appointment at 10.15am, I'm still waiting until now -.- and it's not like I came late. zzz.

Shall end off here. Wrote a lot. Took 10% of my battery typing this whole thing out.

Fourth day of school

2011-09-15T21:22:00.001+08:00

Today was an alright day. As usual, Thursdays were Maths and econs day.

Came to school in the morning. Went to tap my finger and after that went to the oac store to do some work. Saw Zi Wei there. He was studying too. Very soon a few seniors and other OACians came and I became high for no reason doing random stupid things in the store.

Econs lecture after that. It was ok. Maths lecture after that. It was ok. Went to see SP after that. It was... Surprisingly ok. She didn't give us that harsh a punishment that I thought she would. We only kana moving tables and chairs for exams so I guess that's ok.

But what really made me feel shitty was meeting MG. She was really angry and disappointed with us and wanted to meet all of us tmr during break. She has every right to be pissed with us since we didnt have enough guts to tell her what happened.

After that Eunice came and talked to us. Then I went to find my class to eat. Ate standard western meal again.

Ate with mr lee. Found out that he knew about my offence. Glad he wasn't angry at me or whatsoever. Hope I don't get a yellow slip though. SP is still reconsidering whether to give to us or not...

Went for PW. It was ok cause we didn't really do much. Have to start doing our WR draft 2 ASAP though.

Then Maths. It was quite slack. Did my tutorial 2. Realised I was lagging behind most of the class.

Break. Just continued doing work.

Econs. Ok as usual. Went through essay.

PE was fun. Played frisbee.

Physics consul. Did 6 mcq questions but at least managed to clarify my doubts.

Studied with Zhi Yong and Rosemund after that. Joel yip and Chi Wen were beside us studying too. Went home through taking 74 with yip and James and bade goodbye to Rosemund. Chi Wen went to find his gf hehe. Zhi Yong alighted at his stop whereas me and yip went to take train from Marymount to bishan. Bought bread there and talked a lot and then took bus home. Reached home and now I'm blogging while eating dinner.

Sigh. Feeling quite sian nowadays with everything that has happened. Shall write a poem.

The mask of all masks
Has an important task,
Thoughts with vile intentions
Be preyed on by one's actions.
Hurt so severe and deep,
Yet not a single weep.
Wanting to speak the truth,
But nothing will ever sooth,
The heart which so dearly miss,
the ignorance that was bliss.

The third day of school

2011-09-14T19:04:00.001+08:00

It has been three days since term started. I wish I had more time. JC life is so hectic. Can't wait to just relax and only have to worry about my fitness level once I get into NS.

Woke up in the morning to the sound of heavy rain and booming thunder. Damn Zhi Yong that lucky basterd! He got to skip doing maktab duty cause of the wet parade square floor.

Reached school and studied in the OAC Store with Eunice, Zi Wei and with Filbert who was so tired that he sat on the chair in the store and just knocked out completely.

Went to tap our fingers. Bade goodbye and went to class. Saw mr lee at the corridor and he took my attendance. Entered class smoke screen style and prepared for the first lesson of the day.

Econs. Eli was relatively ok today even though wednesday was bad mood day for him. He went through our case study. Nothing much to say.

Maths. Mr Lee went through integration. I haven't finish integration tutorial 2 yet and I think I won't be able to. Haven't even touched any rev packages.

Chem. Boring cause I was getting tired and hungry. Managed to do quite a few reaction kinetics tutorial questions.

Break. Today someone sat with us in the canteen to eat cause there wasn't enough seats. Was really surprised that he was willing to eat with us. Don't see how he's not part of the class and why cause of that he doesn't want the hoodie...

I kinda wonder what it's like for him. For all I know he may read my blog daily. Idk. I sort of feel sorry for him sometimes. To speak the harsh truth, he has no friends. And I wonder how he can stand living like that, to have nobody to talk to, nobody to share your thoughts and troubles with, nobody to cheer u up whenever you're down, nobody to give u advice etc. Seriously. Coming into this world and leaving it without doing good for others when you exist is a meaningless one.

Anyway my interview didn't go too well... Maybe won't get in. A part of me wish I wouldn't, another part wish I would. Priorities.

Don't want to talk much about the interview. It was just bad..

Went home. Ate lunch. Bathe. Did some work and ate dinner. Sian. It's starting to rain again. Another cold rainy day, there's nothing left to say.

Unholy Confessions

2011-09-13T19:51:00.002+08:00

Second day of school. Counting the days to the promos~

Went to school quite early today. Slept a while at the benches for about 20 mins while listening to music. Chester came and we talked about random stuff like runescape. Zi Wei, Ian, Samuel and Zhi Yong came around 7.30am and then we talked more until the bell rang and Samuel rushed off to do Maktab duty today. turns out yesterday his mum was late for work and couldn't fetch him to school so she just told him to stay at home instead LOL when he was already outside his house in full grey.

After morning assembly, we walked to our class for the first lesson of the day - PW! i remembered walking with Zhi Yong in the front towards class. Yeah idk why i remembered that i just did. We remember strange memories for no reason. PW was great, Mr Lee went through my group's WR. Although lots of changes have to be made, I'm glad we managed to get back his comments fast so that we have more time to work on it. We have to get a larger target audience though, hence we came up with a survey and publicised it on fb. hopefully we get sufficient responses :)

discussed WR until the lesson ended. went to get the phy consol rev package with Han Ru and also got copies for Gavin, Jun An and Rosemund. went back to class after we bought it but they all left for the canteen alr :( Jia Ying was still inside chionging her econs. She seemed really pissed and irritated after what happened today, hope she's ok now.

went to the canteen with Han Ru and ate western food again. must avoid eating it tmr. three days in a row = some disease that is caused by over consumption of western food.

after that we went back to class for physics lesson. she went through superposition about how slit affects intensity and i failed at trying to explain to Rosemund about the intensity/energy/area thingy. Managed to do some questions for my current of electricity tutorial though.

after that was three periods of chem. was doing my reaction kinetics and talking crap with Nicholas. did reaction kinetics until the graph question; got turned off by the word 'Plot the graph' and decided to listen to granny yeo's lesson instead. realised a mistake i made in the ionic equilibrium tutorial. after that i went to do question 19 on the board but there was not enough space so only managed to do until half of part 3 LOL. then Yun Ying said something along the lines of writing the final answer on the board so i went up there to write my answers for the other parts of the question which i didnt have space to do. then she went through the question and i finally understood when to use estimation of x and when not to.

after chem, Zhi Yong asked me some question in the tutorial (12iii i think) and i couldnt answer at first but then after reading the notes i finally understood and explained to him lol. it was about the indicator calculation of Ka thingy.

Then we went to raintree cafe and ate. I bought a tuna puff. Then went for econs. he went through the difficult healthcare essay that we did. sort of understood his explanation.

then there was another break. forgot what i did then. oh yeah we gave out the class photos i think. then we pasted them on the back of our class and we laughed at different people's photo (well mostly Yun Ying was laughing) Hope she brings her baby photo next time and we can laugh at HER.

break ended and we went for chinese. it was at CS21 cause Jin Yong's pw group was using CS23 for their PW project. Was awed that they managed to get Anderson Sec students to come to NJ by a chartered bus for their project. They are sure to do well and their pilot test was also very good (Y)

so chinese. i was surprised to see Zi Wei angry today. Never seen him so angry before. But he cooled down after a while. Me and Nicholas presented the part about the author's teacher and I had to act out as the teacher.

After chinese, me, Nicholas and Rosemund went to study at the raintree cafe benches. Nicholas bought lots of shit to eat (two sandwiches, one tuna puff, nachos etc.) whereas i bought just a curry puff. Rosemund bought a ham and cheese sandwich. We did our work. managed to do some phy consol MCQ. Nicholas and Rosemund were trying to do their econs but i think it ended up unproductive lol. Then Rosemund's dad came to fetch her and so me and Nicholas left for the bus stop immediately after she left. Met Ken, Samuel and Zi Wei at the store as I went there to collect the apology letters. We walked to the bus stop and Zi Wei went to the opposite bus stop. Nicholas' bus came soon after and he left. Ken missed his bus though. Ken was trying to gay me. After that Ken and Samuel left the bus stop to idk where (either opposite or the further in front bus stop) so i stood there beside Joel Teng, the guy who keeps calling me Lester who is some Marist Guy that looks like me (or rather I look like him) So 156 came and i boarded it and went home.

reached home --> ate dinner --> use the com to blog --> on my way to go and bathe and do my work.

tmr is my research program interview! I hope all goes well :)

shall sleep early today to look fresh tomorrow.

Shall end of with a great song by Avenged Sevenfold. In my opinion, Unholy Confessions is one of their best songs. Ok nvm all their songs are their best (Y)

Back to school.

2011-09-12T20:45:00.001+08:00

Term starts again. Time passes so fast. I can still recall so clearly how I was contemplating whether or not to go NY or AJ. And then suddenly I turned the JAE book to the next page after NY, and there before me was National JC. I never heard of that school in my entire life until then. Yeah yeah I know, I'm naive and narrow minded -.- but I guess it's because it's mostly good students from good schools go there and I was aiming realistically at NY from the start of last year. I wonder what made me change my choice. Maybe my parents. Maybe because i had a good feeling (LOL) about going NJ. It's just one of those moments. Even though going in alone at first with nobody else from my class was a bit daunting, I still managed to make new friends and survive in the hectic jc lifestyle. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So first day of school. Didn't really feel like first day of school. Just felt like returning back to the same old place as if I went there everyday of my life.

Had to do maktab today cause samuel was MIA. Didn't see him in Chinese too. Wonder what happened to him :O anyway I managed to avoid SP at the atrium during my duty. I made sure I avoided any eye contact with her and I ran away from the atrium after I was done.

Was doing Gp essay outline and phy consol rev package the whole day during other lessons. Sian. But glad that I managed to finish in the end. Realized how screwed my projectile motion is.

During PE we played captain's ball. I also realized that I can't jump high.
It was really fun but tiring. Oh I also realized my endurance sucks too.

Oh and today I showed Nicholas the strangling method thing. Tried to strangle him during PE and he did some nerve screwing elbow nudge on my stomach chest area. Must thank him for teaching me a new move and pointing out a flaw in my strangling method.

After school, Han Ru helped me hand up my phy consol rev package (thanks a lot!) cause I had to go write the apology letter for SP. Wrote an utter shit load of nonsense that was just purely hypocrisy at it's best.

Then bade goodbye to Joel and Zi Wei and went to study with Rosemund, Zhi Yong and Nicholas at the grandstand. It was unproductive cause we ended up discussing the econs essay yet we didn't do anything much.

Then went home. Fell asleep on the bus. Luckily I woke up in time to alight. Ate bathe and now I'm doing work. Well that's all for now.

Trying to make it work,
But man,
These times are hard...

Do not smoke

2011-09-10T21:37:00.001+08:00

Holy shit i found this in my drafts in my blog a year ago, it's a story of a boy who hates smokers:

Insane. That's what they said I was. That's the label they put on me. Here I was, stuck in an asylum for my 'wrongdoing'. I found nothing wrong in what I did. I am not crazy. I just did what everyone secretly wanted to do. Or was it just me? Questions ringed in my head, pondering at my own sanity. Was everyone crazy? Or was I mad? Questions. I remembered vividly the question that changed my life, and ended others...

I gazed silently at the coffin, as it slowly entered the flaming depths of nothingness. It was ironic. My grandfather used to smoke at least two packs of cigarettes a day, weezing away as he took slow puffs off that irksome stick. Now, his lifeless body lay in the coffin, burning into ashes, just as how he too, lit that sickening cigarette as its embers and ashes littered the floor. Everyone around me was crying grievely. Only I stood there emotionlessly. I never liked or hated him. I was extremely neutral towards him since we hardly interacted. But I couldn't stand him whenever he took a puff, it disgusted me totally, and it drove me mad. He would release the choking smoke at my face as I walked passed, and inhaling it made me sick.

"Are you alright there?" asked my mother, who tapped my shoulders in concern, as she wiped back tears of sorrow.

"I'm fine." i answered nonchalently.

"I know you must be really sad about your grandfather's death, but people have to die one day..." she explained to me.

Fool. Like I cared that he was dead. I was so much happier without having to tolerate the smell of cigarettes.

"Don't worry I'm fine." I replied, slightly irritated.

"Well I hope this teaches you one thing. Don't ever smoke. It will kill you. You see what it did to grandpa. I don't want you to pick up this bad habit and get lung cancer and suffer. And don't ever mix around with smokers, alright?"

"Alright."

Lies.

My relatives said that I changed a lot since the funeral. They said it was because I couldn't handle the loss of my grandpa so much so that I often became violent and angry. They were wrong. Little did I know there was a demon inside me, one that tormented me to do evil deeds. In the end, I did mix around with smokers. But for even more wrong reasons. You might think I'm crazy to do this. But I did get close to smokers. I hanged around them, made friends with them, got to know them. All for the sake of my undertaken mission, to kill all of them. I don't know why I wanted to do so. Maybe it was because I hated smokers. Maybe it was because I'd rather kill them now than see them die slowly through smoking. Maybe I simply wanted them dead. It would benefit the entire world. So I murdered them all, burning them while they were asleep with the very lighter they used to light their cigarettes. It was not long before I was caught for my 'crime' and I was deemed an unstable juvenile that deserves to be isolated from society. Society. The very people whom I sought to protect had betrayed me. From that day on, I vowed to rid the world of all it's screwed up people. Once I get out of this prison, they will all taste my wrath...

Another lazy day~

2011-09-10T14:46:00.002+08:00

They finally came up with a blogger app! It's good cause now it's more convenient for me to blog without having to on the com anymore.

Anyway the past few days have been quite productive, managed to finish up lots of work. But there's still a lot more left. And I haven't started revising for promos yet lol. I think my GP is screwed. I have been neglecting it for so long.

I just realised I have to do 4 econs essay in a matter of 3 days for next week. Yay.

This morning when I woke up, I checked fb and I read Ken's post. It was really inspiring. I hope he does not retain and i hope that if he makes it through he won't slack off in j2 and would continue on with great determination.

So anyway I updated my blog. Changed the skin and made it a little simpler for reading. Off to do my work. What a lazy day~

Apparently when I laugh, my face looks like the :D emoticon.

Project Work

2011-09-08T16:49:00.002+08:00

Project Work. Those two words strike a wave of negative emotions into every JC1 student. Most despise the subject, finding it a chore and a waste of time. I used to think so too, and since the start of PW i've always tried to sought out why would MOE want to implement something like that. Today, i finally thought of a reason that would suffice.

The most important thing that PW has taught me is not how to write reports, how to be more creative, how to analyze better etc. , but it has taught me that in the future when we go out to work in society, we do not get to choose who our colleagues are. That, i find, is the only good thing about PW - it forces you to work with a group of people whose character and skills you're not so familiar with at the start of the year. Yeah you may find me a mad student to say that, PW is useful in one and only one thing: it exposes me to the working world. In truth, we do not get to choose our colleagues. We can choose our friends, we can choose our spouses, but we can never choose our colleagues, similarly, we cannot choose out PW group members.

Luckily for me, I can work well with everyone in my PW group. That taught me one thing. Luck. If you're lucky enough to have colleagues in the future that you can work well with, then your working life would be enjoyable and smooth. BUT, if you have a PW group that has/have domineering/lazy/pessimistic etc. then working with them would be extremely difficult and your life would suck. That's something I learned through seeing other group(s) in my class, thankfully not from my own. Wouldn't want to mention which group(s), but i'm sure my class knows. I've learned from that group(s) that there really are some screwed up people in this world who are take things too seriously and are too demanding and domineering. Pessimistic and also stubborn to ideas; that's not what a leader is supposed to be... However, just like any learning milestone, we learn from other people's good and bad points...

so yeah that concludes everything i have to say about PW.

nightmare

2011-09-08T07:37:00.002+08:00

damn, just woke up from a nightmare. it was quite scary.. i was scared of myself at the end.

i was walking with my sec 2 class along the road from zhss to lorong chuan. we were walking happily and we were chatting a lot. as we were about to walk pass the nearby condo, suddenly one of my classmates (let's call this classmate X, because if names are mentioned then it'll be quite offensive). so X took my water bottle from my bag and taunted me. i asked X to return it to me but X ignored me and gave a smug smile. i asked again, this time in anger. X turned away from me and the whole class started laughing at me. i was furious and tried to snatch my water bottle from X but X was too fast for me. X then threw my water bottle on the road and a fast car zoomed past and my water bottle exploded. i roared at X, as in literally roared like a demon. i lunged at X and managed to grab X by the neck. I strangled X kelvin-liew-style and X tried to struggle but it was too late. usually in reality if i do the kelvin-liew-style strangle i wouldnt use all my force, but in my nightmare i really meant to kill and use all my force on that strangle, and i could feel my forearm tensing up and my other arm pushing X's head downwards towards X's doom. My other classmates were staring at me and they stopped jeering, instead they looked shocked and scared. In a matter of a few minutes, X stopped struggling and X's eyes rolled up. I let go of X's corpse and it collapsed on the floor. Immediately, the whole class became some freaking zombie cannibal legion and started feasting on X's body, tearing X's limbs apart and devouring it with mouths full of blood. I laughed a maniac's laughter. after the class was done with X's body, i carried it and threw it on the road just as a huge truck was coming by. it ran over X's body and i laughed like a maniac again. suddenly i became aware of my dream and i tried to escape from it because it was getting insane and so i woke up to go toilet because i needed to pee lol.

pleasant day

2011-09-07T15:51:00.002+08:00

if i can choose one word to describe my day today, it would be pleasant.

woke up quite early today and reached school around 6.45am. went to sit at the podium stand and just gazed admiringly at the orange streaks in the sky. suddenly, a taxi drove in from the main gate. ahh the main gate. brings back 4-day old memories.

anyway, a malay young man alighted from the taxi, and he was carrying one huge luggage, two big luggage and one small backpack. he tried to carry all of his stuff towards the atrium but he struggled with it as there were too many to handle. i went down to offer him some help and he thanked me gratefully. he asked me if there was any place for him to sit down and set up his laptop, and i pointed out the atrium stairs. he thanked me again and he asked me why i was in school so early. i explained that i had a mock interview and econs lesson after that. somehow i was able to talk to him comfortably despite us being strangers. i asked him what he was there for and he said he was there to conduct a leadership program which involved playing with nerf guns. turns out he's a national paintball player and has taken part in many competitions and he likes to play with nerf guns. did i mention that he plays with nerf guns? yeah he plays with nerf guns. nerf guns. you know? the one im CRAZY ABOUT

we started talking about all the different nerf guns. he bought 100 mavericks for the leadership course lol. honestly idk how playing with nerf guns = leadership but hell yeah that's damn fun esp in a dull place like nj. they were gonna play dart tag, and he was going to set up obstacles like a paintball scenario. then he was complaining how he wanted to buy a warehouse in paya lebar to set up his first paintball field, but the landlord didnt want to sell it to him, instead he sold it to a climbing gym called KINETICS. holy. i instantly talked to him about climbing and all the experiences i had and he said he had a lot of friends in climbing too in NYP (he was from that poly) and he tried it before also and said it was really fun but he prefers paintball lol. then somehow we drifted to the topic of NS, and he told me that he was a fireman sergeant and how he sees people committing suicide and how he saves people from fire and how its so fun to slide down the pole from the 2nd to the 1st level. and all the different equipment he uses to extinguish the fire and to catch people that want to jump off buildings to commit suicide.

it amazes me how strangers of different age groups can actually be friends. we talked for an hour, and then unknowingly it was 7.45am. time passes really fast when you're talking to someone. i said goodbye to him and went to find miss lim for the mock interview. anyway she said i was ok just that i shouldnt point out my flaws during the interview. hmm. guess being a hypocrite is all part of an interview...

so went for econs lesson after that. leon showed me something which really pissed me off. other than that econs lesson went smoothly. listened to him talk crap for 2 hours LOL

after econs, went to eat lunch at pizza hut with mr lee and most of my class. the food was nice and i kept trying to burp but it was really hard and i hate the feeling of not being able to burp cause it's the same feeling of pre-vomitting. zhi yong tried to top up his ez link card with the dbs atm machine but it didnt seem to work so he had to pay coins to get home lol. too bad bukit timah has no mrt. after that we split ways and zhi yong ran for the bus and i took bus with yun ying and jin yong while jia xian waved goodbye to us and then i stopped at nj bus stop and said bye to yun ying and said bye to jin yong at the school gate and then 156 came and then i boarded 156 and then i came home slept a while went to bathe come out use the com and..... now im typing this post k bye need to go do superposition tmr got physics lesson

Shit

2011-09-05T11:02:00.004+08:00

going to start epic mugging week, mug all day mug all night until my brain gets fried.

today's SCA young climber's conference was postponed to some other day.. hopefully after promos so that zhi yong can go.

woke up with my headache gone.

erm nothing much to say about yesterday and today, practically wasted my time away. this only shows that the only life i have is in school...

still haunted by the stupid gate climbing incident. honestly, if they don't want us to climb the gate for our safety, then why put barb wires around the fence to stab us and cause us harm? it's so ironic sometimes. it's like a caged animal that is kept in a cage by zookeepers because the zookeepers are afraid of it being harmed by the outside world, when trapping it inside is harming it already.

maybe im too immature to see it from the school's point of view. i tried my best to find a reason why climbing a gate is not allowed. damaging school property? disgracing the school's reputation? idk. but definitely not for our safety, the way i see it. i dont see barb wires on ZHSS fences. i don't see myself getting screwed when a teacher knew i climbed over a gate in ZHSS. there was freedom there. where is the freedom now? jail of the nation...

well at least in this jail there are some cellmates that aren't so bad.

nvm. i'll just wait till the time i'm as ripe as the bananas beside the rock wall, and maybe till then i'll think of a good reason. for now, i'll just focus on promos and enjoying myself thru climbing like a mad man after it ends. i must treasure the time i have before research starts to climb like crazy. cant wait for overseas trip and the new shoes too, and probably the freaking climbing singlet that is taking so long to alter...

oh yeah and i left my earphones in my pants and it got washing machined. now it doesnt work anymore so i guess i'm going to buy a new one soon. my dad has some back problem and couldnt go to work today. i guess life sucks now because everyone is suffering or getting shit. maybe thats why i subconsciously named the title of this post shit. when life gives u shit, flush the toilet...

going to eat an early lunch now. bye.

L1 Gate Climbing Course

2011-09-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

i don't want to talk about today. too sian alr.

anw just to summarise everything.

had L1 course this morning until late afternoon.

left the school. climbed the gate with oac bros. got caught by the prison warden of nj. she got down our names and class and our cca.

honestly i dont give a f about what she's gonna throw at me, be it CWO, yellow slip, kick out of maktab duty, kick out of cca exco, poor conduct at the end of the year, lousy testimonial, etc. or even expulsion. i dont care. im only guilty of the fact that i disgraced OAC, and i let everyone down. esp miss gao. idk how im gonna face her but i'm going to have to do it eventually.

dont want to talk about it anymore.

i guess i've finally found something i hate about nj...

it's hard to speak without a tongue

2011-09-03T00:12:00.002+08:00

another long day.

woke up quite late today, around 11am. or should i say woke up quite late yesterday, since now its alr midnight.

went to eat my brunch and went to bathe. did my work half-heartedly until 5 plus. lazed around and set off to bishan to meet liang min at 6. we walked about and talked for a while. found out some stuff that i didn't know and made me feel like im a really selfish and insensitive bastard. i'm sorry for what i said previously, i didn't know what i wrote would be offensive. sometimes it really is hard to judge from another person's point of view. "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." Ever since i offended others last time, i always think twice before i post anything. but i guess empathy is a quality i lack severely. if you all are reading this, if you know i'm talking about you, please know my friend, i love to stay where you are, please smile, smile when you think about me, my body's gone, that's all.

enough said, not gonna elaborate any further.

me and liang min met with tai lim, then went to eat at S11 hawker centre. sys and jien hsiu came soon after. then we headed for bishan active after everyone finished eating. fooled around at the playground and vetted the scouts' routes at around 9pm. seeing them on their hike brings back lots of good memories. many of them had to make changes so we waited for them to tidy up their routes before vetting again. built a basha while waiting. talked to liang min about many stuff that has happened throughout the past 7 months. after vetting once more, liang min sys and me left for bishan j8 to go home. my mum gave me a lift home. came home, bathe, on the com and typed out this post.

tired.

going to sleep. goodnight.

oh and about the title, it's one of my favourite song:
and its about shutting the fuck up and not hurting others, something i should really do.

Another good day at school!

2011-09-01T22:22:00.006+08:00

Wow today was really eventful. I'll try and keep it as short as possible but i'll probably end up blurting everything out in 1 long paragraph that will turn people off from reading it and so i will try my best to break it up into neat paragraphs for you all to read.

woke up at 5.30am as usual. came to school in NJ pe attire. saw Samuel outside the store and sat down with him to talk for a while. Timo came to retrieve his bag from the store. (his bag was locked inside and he had to run back home the day before) Started signing and collecting the money from the climbers for Miss Gao's present. Here's a photo of it:

credits to Zheng Qian for the photo :)

After that many other OAC people came, and Eunice splitted the board that the OACians wrote for all three teachers into three parts for the three different teachers-in-charge. I was to give the board to Miss Gao. Went for assembly, found Miss Gao with the help of Zhi Yong, gave her the tile and the board and i think she was really happy and touched :)

After assembly, went with my class to go and change to our sec sch uniform. too bad our classroom was locked D: end up we went to the raintree cafe to camp and take photos. After that we left for LT5 for the teacher's day performance. i managed to guess correctly in some game in which we had to guess which teacher was singing, and of course that teacher that i guessed correctly was Miss Gao LOL. then we saboed a lot of people to go up to stage to participate. overall the performance was really great, sadly it ended on a bad note because of technical difficulties :(

We were dismissed, and our class went to the canteen and leon presented mr lee with the lightsaber present. i think mr lee really appreciated it :D gave mr lee the rose i ordered from leon and ran to the staff room to give another rose to Miss Gao and she was surprised that i gave her two presents. Oh and also, she informed me that i have to go for a Singapore Climbing Association (SCA) Conference on Monday at Onsight with Joel and we would learn how to set routes properly and we also get to climb :D sad that zhi yong couldn't go, could tell that he really wanted to go :( but i hope this would only motivate him to give his all for promos and do well so that he wont kana student at risk from now onwards and get banned from climbing. Jiayou DOGGY OZZY!

Took some more photos at the canteen, realised that PW got cancelled, hurried to rush off back to ZHSS, felt bad to ian for making him wait for me, but really appreciate his patience :) went with the marist guys to take 852 and then marymount and then i alighted at serangoon while the cat high guys alighted at bishan. come to think of it, it's so strange that we never met each other last time even though our schools were only one or two stops away. it amazes me sometimes how the person that walked passed you today could be someone you meet next time in the future, and may also be a great influence in your life.

Reached serangoon, ran with ian to the void deck behind ZHSS, and i changed out there (luckily nobody saw xD) then ran back to ZHSS. it was great to go back. but something feels empty inside of me. something is missing and i don't know what it was. anyway, met mummy after so long and talked to him for a while. realised he isnt doing well at all in AJ. but like what he said, if what he is going through is even worse than what society would treat us like next time, then he might as well count his blessings and be glad that he would be prepared for the future shit being thrown at him by society.

left for nicholas' house after that with suharyo. gate crashed his house when he just woke up lol. he showed us the project he made for his module in his poly course (3D animation and arts) it was damn cool. he made himself fly and do a lot of cool shit i only thought was possible in movies. he's going to be a successful animator one day for sure. he showed me some more lulz that we used to share in sec 4 like video 005 only this time it was dubbed for more lulz. and then we redubbed the classic video of "a day at work part 3". if you havent watched the original, go watch it! it's in my fb profile and its damn funny and nostalgic. cant wait to work at ST at the end of the year :) hopefully i have time though, if i get into research i may end up sleeping at 3am everyday.

after that we met sheng cong and jie ming at 2.30pm at sgoon central macs and we ate our lunch while talking and laughing. too bad there was only 5 of us. wish more of the e4 guys were there. but eventually our numbers will dwindle until nobody returns. but still, we can all look forward to jan 27 2021 when we get to meet the then 10 years older SOH YONG SHENG. then we went to kovan to play pool. it was fun cause we kept screwing up and making funny moves and getting tyco shots. ate dinner at the hawker centre at kovan and then went home to eat dinner again hehe. bathe, on the com, and started writing this post.

oh yeah, i almost forgot...

FINALLY FINISHED FIRST DRAFT OF WRITTEN REPORT WOOHOO GOOD JOB NJ081!!!

lol im tired. time to go sleep. today was a really wonderful day, and i won't ever forget this day.

the best class ever:

but maybe it's just fate; that commitments will always overrule my personal life...

A good day at school

2011-08-31T18:26:00.002+08:00

Today was a great day at school!!

First Period: Econs Tutorial

It was alright overall, he went to check all our work and not a single one received good comments. as usual. hehe.

Second Period: Maths Tutorial

It was great, finally learnt how to do questions with involved finding the f ' (x) of the f (x) to solve. Great to have Mr Lee as our Maths Teacher! Hope he likes our gift tomorrow :D oh and i also managed to do some tutorial questions for maclaurin's series LOL

Third Period: Chem Tutorial

was doing Maclaurin's so wasn't really paying attention, but it was ok i cleared some misconceptions i had for ionic equilibrium. then got back our entropy test. happy for zhi yong that he did well. hope he does well for the chem lecture test too.

1 Hour Break

ate western food again, fish and chips with spaghetti. then drank iced milk tea again. i think i should stop drinking that; sure get diabetes if this goes on. after eating finish went to collect the climbing cage key from the REAL miss gao's pigeon hole at the staff room for this saturday's L1 Climbing Course! Hope all goes smoothly this saturday :) then proceeded to LT5 for our chem lecture test.

Chem Lecture Test

It was ok, though i think there was not enough time. What pissed me off was that after the paper ended the lecturer kept nagging at the chem reps to hurry up. then after that zhi yong helped me to give out the organic chem notes. realized that we were short of 1 so went to collect from granny yeo.

Phy Lecture

nothing much to talk about :/ it was ok i guess, other than MR BENEDICT TEOW trolling the lecturer with the green laser and not wanting to own up afterthat.

After School

went to OAC store to sign the teacher's day card for all the OAC teachers. Then went for the engineering fair with zhi yong, tried out the eye control thingy and asked about aerospace/mechanical engineering and then went with him to climbasia to buy miss gao's gift. i drank a chocolate milkshake and he ate strawberry soya bean ice cream then we sat down and talked for a while all the way to bishan and then i took a bus home and bathe and now im blogging and now im gonna do my written report bye.

sigh

2011-08-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

Finally done with my part for WR. Will blog now because i don't feel like doing econs and studying for chem test tmr.

can't wait for tmr to end and get a well deserved break.

sigh.

its funny how i help others solve their problems, give them advice and all, but i can't even help myself sometimes...

i feel lousy for neglecting scouts for so long and drifting apart from my sec sch friends. i don't know what i'm doing with my life at times. yeah maybe the priorities i set for myself are right, but it's also morally wrong. i'm such a selfish bastard now that i think about it.

idk what else to write anymore. why did i even open up blogger in the first place...

I waste a lot of time thinking of an approriate title

2011-08-30T12:11:00.002+08:00

Hello, didn''t blog yesterday as I was out the whole day, only got home at around 12 and was dead tired to use the com.

So anyway, here's what happened yesterday.

Went to buy socks and a new water bottle (my old one keeps leaking) at hougang mall. Then went to meet zhi yong at bishan. ate subway again, then went library to mug. after that we went to somerset to meet nicholas to buy our class teacher's day present! walked around talking crap for awhile before proceeding to city hall to meet up with gavin, jia xian and mr lee. we went to eat at some japanese food stall (forgot the name of the stall) that had free flow of drinks and ice cream. the food was nice too. talked a lot and laughed a lot, then benny finally came after accidentally locking his room when his keys were inside LOL. So we walked to esplanade, (benny walked ahead of us because nic asked him to do so) and soon we lost sight of benny. when we reached the theatre, the guards took away the toy cause i was handcarrying it in a plastic bag and i could only take it after the performance was over. went in, found benny; then we went to sit at the far left front row of the theatre. overall the performance was great, nj guitar ensemble played well and i respect them for being able to get german guitarists to come over to singapore to play too! jiaxian was talking about how some german guy was hot -_- after the performance was over, we met jin yong and rosemund, but jia ying alr left i think so we didnt get to meet her :( took a few photos, then jin yong left, and rosemund and her parents joined all of us to go mac to eat cause benny didnt eat his dinner yet. rosemund left halfway with her parents, but after that as we left too and walked to city hall mrt we met them halfway again lol. they left by green line though; the rest of us left by red line. alighted at bishan with jiaxian and zhi yong. went to interchange with zhi yong, realised one of the two buses i can take home no more liao, and the other one would only come in 12 minutes, i decided to walk home instead. reached home, bathe, pack up, and then went to sleep.

wow that was a long chunk of words.

time to do WR BYE

Siblings

2011-08-28T16:50:00.002+08:00

So anyway, found out today who our next President would be. Honestly I don't really care about who becomes the president because Singapore will do just fine with or without a President, they just warn us about impending turmoils for our country in the future to scare the witless shitless so that they'll be good citizens and vote. And like some people who run for something, what ever we promise beforehand, we forget about it if we get elected. I still keep a copy of my EXCO Speech, and I'll go all out to complete what ever I promised to do whether they succeed or fail. It's ok. 6 years from now, at the age of 23, I can finally vote, and damn right I'll vote for the right person for the job. It's funny how people always complain about PAP, but once alone in the balloting room, they vote PAP.(i.e. my parents) Why? because people are afraid of change. Singapore really needs to open up their eyes (esp the older generation) and vote for the right person, not the person who would end up sitting on his fat ass collecting $4m a year for being an obedient puppet.

Ah whatever. Politics is just a load of shit. i'm very sure once my generation gets the right to vote, things will change.

Anyway since yesterday I talked about parents, it's time to talk about siblings. I am glad to have two older sisters who taught me a lot through out my life. I always did look up to them for advice since they've been through much more than me. Yeah sure, I often quarrel with my second sister because both our tempers are really bad, and we quarrel just about any trivial shit you can think of. Still whenever I get angry at her at times, like today we quarreled about something trivial again, and when I get frustrated and swear never to help her again when she needs my help, I still find myself helping her in the end whenever she needs my help. Ironic isn't it? But that's the way it'll be I guess. After all, in the near future, the only people you can ever depend on is your family. Still remember what my most treasured friend from ZHSS told me:

"If one day you were kidnapped, and the kidnapper takes your phone, who would he call for ransom? Your friends, or your family? Obviously your family. Why? Because friends can never replace the care and love your family members have for you. Would you expect your friends or your family members to turn up with all their money, just for you to be alive?"

I think many of us who have siblings face a problem of fostering close bonds with each other. It's only natural, since we spend most of our time in school and see our friends more often. But never forget who would truly come to your aid when you're at your most desperate moment. I always think that despite how much I quarrel with my sister, she's still my sister and I cannot change that, I might as well live happily by controlling my temper and giving in to her since she's facing much more shit than me rather than burst out in anger at her too. Even though I do feel unappreciated sometimes, I'm very sure there are times when she helps me but I do not appreciate it too. We're humans, we take things for granted. I hope that when the day comes when my hair turns grey and my senses fail me, I still have my sisters as my strong moral support, and I wish that we won't end up as siblings who only visit each other during Chinese New Year and never see each other until another year again. For my parents, if I consider from their point of view, they're also hurt too when they see their children quarrel with each other and not being close to each other when the grow up, each having their own independent lives devoid of any sibling love. I hope that isn't a path that me and my two sisters are taking.

Ok time to do Written Report. Going for the guitar concert tmr, quite excited :) need to econs essay, maths diff tutorial 3, and study for chem lecture test for wednesday. Will blog again tmr if I have the time :)

Parents

2011-08-27T20:08:00.002+08:00

"Mum, I got 7 A1s and 1 B3. they just announced it to the whole school."

"WAH SON I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH"

"If I hadn't got 6 points, would you still love me?"

and that's what I said to my mum over the phone the day i got back my O level results.

It disgusted me, really. To base your love for your child because of his academic achievements is just wrong. It's no different from loving a robot that brings you pride. To see her boasting to all her relatives about my results, it made me think back on the time when I got back my PSLE results. I did worse than expected, and ever since my mum was shameful to have a son like me; unable to face her relatives. That shouldn't be the way, now that I think about it. A parent should love his/her child regardless of his success and failures. No, i'm not angry at my mum whatsoever. I'm thankful to have her as my mother, raising me up and disciplining me so strictly when I was a kid which moulded me to be who I am now. And like any other parents, they have their flaws. It's just that I find this a really major flaw, and I'm going to learn from it some day when I become a parent myself. I still remember the night before the day of the O level results, she said to me "aiya confirm will get double digit one." no encouragement or motivation, no pat in the back to say everything will be fine, no "don't worry i'm sure you'll do ok." Unlike my father who's more open and happy-go-lucky with me; my mother is a strict and cold parent. That's why whenever I talk to my mum the same way i talk to my dad, i end up irritating her and she would give me the cold shoulder, saying harsh things like "don't talk to me, you're not my son." yeah sure i may appear i don't give a damn and i am bo chap about it but it still does hurt me regardless of how old I am.

Anyway it doesn't matter. I'll just bear with this kind of shit until I can finally be independent. At least my dad still cares about me. My mum only knows how to complain about how she is so stressed and all when it is my dad who works his ass off, and i'm the one currently going through the hectic life of JC. So when she snaps at me out of anger, I snap back, because of all the tension I have from school work. I'm not complaining that I hate JC life or that I can't cope. I can. But it isn't easy if your mum isn't helping at all. I'm really sorry to my parents that I piss them off sometimes, it's not easy to be happy and cheerful when I get home from school everyday.

Time to do WR. Anyway my day was fine. Just that this was the only thing that bugs me.

A Cold Rainy Day at School

2011-08-26T17:14:00.002+08:00

NO MY TITLE HAS NO LINK TO ANYONE WHATSOEVER

Woke up today to the silent pattering of rain from outside my window. Left for school quite early. When i reached it was still dark, cold and wet. Somehow during those days when the weather is rainy in the morning, i don't feel like talking, and i just want time alone to just listen to my own thoughts with the soft berating of endless rain in the background. Anyway upon reaching school, I walked around aimlessly without a care in the world. Somehow the weather really affects how I behave, especially in the morning. Met Gavin near the library benches and sat down with him to do tutorials. When the bell rang we left for class as assembly was cancelled.

I felt like singing the national anthem today so I sang it. It's strange because usually I don't sing it. The weather really changes me a lot :/ Slacked in class for a while before going to LT5 for chem and phy lecture. It was ok, learnt a lot for chem and finally understood superposition for phy. Chionged down to canteen when the bell rang with Benny, didn't feel like eating the usual western food order i normally make, fish fillet + 2 sausages + spaghetti. Instead I ordered egg and 1 sausage. Strange day. Like I said, the weather really makes me feel and act abnormally. I will start using the word strange for the sake of Gavin and avoid saying words like 'awesome' and 'like' which are over used and NO YUN YING ITS NOT A SPEECH WHATEVER THING. Oh yeah speaking about yun ying, as I walked with her to GP class from the canteen, I realised there was a hidden staircase behind the staircase we walked up, its behind that dark narrow staircase leading down to the canteen from the side of the hall. I never noticed it was there! Anyway i'm more buff than her.

GP was quite boring. Was quite dreary and tired of school and wanted it to end desperately. But I did find out from Benedict something damn funny. Glad that person got what it deserved. Then Chinese. It was quite interesting, talked crap with Nicholas Choo Yan Jia. I typed his full name in hopes that one day when he goes to jail for hacking the pentagon and some random dude googles his full name to research more about him they will find my blog and know how his teenage years were like :D After chinese we went to Raintree Cafe there to eat and cram physics. I bought a tuna puff. It was hot and tasty, warmed me up from the chilly wind. Nicholas Choo Yan Jia was talking about how Jun An doesn't usually call him Nic Choo when he actually does call him that quite often and then he went on about how a sec 1 guy from his sch had the same name as him and he was also called Nic Choo and some more crap i cant remember, the bell rang and we went to the phy lab near the haunted girls toilet store for our test. It was quite ok, doubt that i will fail. But i got a sucky feeling when I handed up the paper, I realised i didnt see a part of a question which asked "where does this maximum velocity occur?" which i forget to answer. Its that shitty feeling you get when you only realize your mistake just when the paper ends; the paper is right in your hands but you know you can't cheat because that would be against your conscience. So near yet so far, and you get that ARGGHHHH DAMN feeling.

And so the day concluded with the movie screening during GC. half the time i was loading runescape on gavin's laptop though lol. Miss the old times when I played runescape as a little kid and how I got so crazy over the game I reenacted the battles and attack style by making armour and weapons out of cardboard. I learnt something new from today though, that just like in any other relationship, there would always be quarrels and misunderstandings in friendship. After GC, i found out Jin Yong and Nicholas had a conflict. glad that they're ok now and settled their anger in the end. anyway just some advice to nic or to anyone out there, i once lost a friend in sec 2 because of my overwhelming passion for scouts that made me power hungry. and im still regretting it up till now, but i try to put everything in the past. everyone has their passion for something, and every one of us have evil thoughts inside of us that blinds us with jealousy, fear and irrationality, but don't ever let that overcome you, and always put people close to you above everything else that you pursue so you wont end up hurting them unknowingly. if we are all insensitive to our peer's feelings, then we're no different from the harsh world out there. when you grow up and look back at these conflicts that you had, you'll realize how immature and stupid you were. so before saying anything, always think about this before you talk: if i were that person, and you said this to me, how would I feel instead? it's strange that when we get hurt by someone's remarks or actions, we feel extremely angry and sad. yet when we pass remarks that hurt others, we don't feel a pang of guilt that we made someone go through the exact same hurtful feeling that we despise so much.

Nic, if you're reading this, hope you do change for the better. and oh yeah, sorry for all those times that i made you angry. i didnt mean it, but like what i said, often times we hurt others unintentionally. one of my flaws is that i irritate my friends too much, i used to have this problem too in sec sch. so i guess everyone has their flaws. anyway im glad you resolved the problem with jin yong peacefully like a true man :) respect you for that man. and treasure the 8 year friendship you have with him; trust me, it's hard to find friends like him nowadays.

yep so that's all i have to say about today's events.

glad that the holidays are finally here, but need to start studying for promos. looking forward to post promo activities already!

to end off, i've been listening to chinese songs recently, and i really like this song :D

也许时间是一种解药, 也是我现在正服下的毒药

A Day At School

2011-08-25T17:51:00.003+08:00

Today was a fun day. Partly because there was no econs tutorial today!

so econs and maths lecture ok. during break i ate yong tau foo and laughed like crazy because after econs lecture i stole Rosemund's bag and me and Leon pretended that I dropped her umbrella halfway while escaping from her. I think im damn bad for teasing her as being a Y _ _ _ _ haha. and she took my phone during the break and tried to steal my bag!

Then we ate with Mr Lee and we talked and laughed as usual, really happy to be with my class :)

after that we had PW. PW was good, we managed to discuss a lot! looking forward to our interview/survey next thursday, and next thursday is also be yourself day, me and ian are gonna wear our zhonghua uniform to nj!! hah and i cant wait to see nicholas wear short pants, it'll look really ~~weird~~ STRANGE.

then we had maths. finally finished maclaurin's BMQ, now im at tutorial. and i learnt how to do the tutorial questions through mr lee's lesson, he's a great teacher. but towards the end i went behind to watch gavin play battle on, and i am reminded of my childhood days spent playing battle on and runescape like an addict.

after maths ended, leon, jun an, zhi yong, gavin and I went to play soccer. It was fun especially when the 11SH11 guys and some other soccer guys joined us, really enjoyed the game even though i got really tired and felt like collapsing. havent ran long distance for very long, thats why my endurance really sucks now.

then before the dance we played basketball with other guys for a while, and jun an dislocated his knee cause he fell while jumping for the ball, so he had to rest while the rest of us dance. Hope he is ok and will recover soon so he can walk properly :) the dance was fun, but i kept getting dizzy. after PE ended, went to buy drink with gavin and zhi yong, then sat with our class to cool down and talk. after that waited at the bus stop for 156, boarded it, came home, on the com, and i started writing this post.

so that's my summarized life in a day.

i think i'll start this habit of writing what ever that has happened everyday in my life whenever i come home, since the memory of the day's events would still be clear to me. That way, many years from now when my memory fails me, I can read about all these past experiences I had in life. Even though daily life events may seem trivial, one has to treasure all these precious memories, if not it's too late to regret in the future. People around me can also read my posts many years from now, to know that in some way or another, they have been a part of my life.

Before I end, here's a picture of a very meaningful keychain one of my close friends have.

Reviving My Blog

2011-08-24T21:48:00.002+08:00

Hello blog.

It has been a long time.

Anyway I'm still alive for those of you who thought I was dead. I'm still Joshua. Only slightly older, slightly taller and slightly matured.

Well how do I start? What do I say after 7 months of bloglessness, who do I talk about, should I talk about past events or the present? So much has happened in a matter of 7 months.

In 7 months,

I made lots of friends.

I also made friends whom aren't typical JC friends.

Throughout this 7 months, I began exploring the true meaning of friendship. In sec school, I always thought that my friends were true friends, and I have always been warned about how JC friends are fair weather friends and they can't be trusted and everyone is competitive and if you let your guard down you would be stepped over and a hell lot of other bullshit which I chose not to believe it.

Who are these friends? They know who they are. I don't have to declare what's obvious to those who are close to me. I treasure every single second I can in this short span of two years to foster closer bonds; maybe that's why I hate missing school. I like my class and my CCA, and that's enough to make me happy. Sure, that may seem so trivial to you; but the environment that you are in greatly affects everything about you; happiness, results, motivation, etc. Think about the last time you felt awkward around a group of people. Now imagine, what if that were your class for two whole years? It would seem like complete torment to endure being unable to socialize with anyone in class and not to enjoy any laughter or happiness with your class. The same goes for CCA. I always feel that it is through the similar determined and fun-loving spirit that OACians have that make me bond so well with everyone in that CCA, and I am always thankful for that. We only have two years, no, less than two years in fact. We might as well make the most out of it and leave this school when we graduate with no regrets and no conflict. I have learned from my mistakes made a year ago. 11SH17 and OAC, you may not know it, but because of all of you, I finally get to express my true self. Yeah, all this while since Sec 2, I've been wearing a mask. I became quiet. I couldn't be who I wanted to be: hyper active, loud, crazy, high, childish but at the same time sensitive and mature in my thinking. So that highlights my point: getting a compatible environment to live in would greatly improve your life.

Next, have you ever heard someone saying:
"JC LIFE SUCKS" or "the other JCs have __________ but my jc dont have"
or what ever complains you hear about JC. Yeah I agree too, being a JC student, its not easy. I complain too; i'm only human. But sometimes we just have to live with it and be happy. We have to find that something in JC that makes us happy to motivate us, rather than dwell on all the negative feelings we have towards JC. For me, I find happiness in climbing. I love climbing. but strangely i don't find myself telling my friends "I love climbing a lot, i'm so glad NJ has climbing, i'm really thankful that there is a rock wall provided in NJ." No. you'll never hear that. People only remember the bad things. Just like how if you dont screw up for Maktab duty, nobody will ever remember you or how you look like. but just screw up big time once, and people remember your face, find out your name, point at you and say to their friends "thats the screw up parade commander" Sadly, this is something about humans that we cannot change, and yet when we think about it, we realise how f-ed up our character really is.

Its getting late. Need to go do my homework. Will talk more tomorrow if I have the time, will try to keep this blog alive.

Anyway before I end of, let me ask whoever you are that is reading this:

in what ever new school you are in, can you name more than 7 really true and close friends to you?

if you can, then you're really lucky.

most people in JC can't.

including me.

o lvl results

2011-01-11T07:08:00.002+08:00

so i got back my results alr. and i think most ppl know what i got.

i didnt expect myself to do so well. i was totally stunned. but after realising what i got, i felt alone. because theres a high chance im going to a jc myself. i also felt a little empty inside, even though i was happy and shocked at the same time. idk.

i knew i did give my best for Os. but i didnt expect to do that well. i thought it was all just a dream.

for all those who are saying i should be damn happy with my results, yes, i am. i mean, who wouldnt be right?

as for jcs, i have 3 in mind. either vj, aj or nj. but most likely im going nj with the fag.

so at least i wont be alone.

but like what my sis said, i can always make new friends there, and its not like liew will confirm be in the same class as me. and that made me realise, just like how i came in to sec 1 with tengboon only, i left sec 4 with many other friends. so thats a thing to consider. but maybe jc is diff. after all, its only 2 years.

i can't believe time has passed so fast. i always thought in sec 3 and 4 that i will go on forever in the same class, with the same jokes and the same laughter. but just like everyone else, i have to move on. and im really sad to leave my sch, esp my class, no matter how much bad things i complain abt it in the past, it was a good experience for me, one that i will never forget.

as i think abt this, i wonder, had i gone to st andrews in sec 1, would my results be diff? certainly they would. but not as good as what i didnt expect to get. if you were to ask me what the hell did i do to do so well, it's simple. just do your homework. im not some secret mugger shit that studies 8 hours a day. i don't. after sch i just come home, do my hmk, use the com, eat my dinner and sleep. that's it. and listen to the teacher when you're in class. sec 4 is the most important. one can totally dont give a damn for sec 3, like what i did. so just give sec 4 your best.

and i also have my parents to thank. for helping me. raising me. joking with me. scolding me. it's something that pulled me thru the o lvls. and best of all, they're not like other parents that demand me to do extremely well, they just told me that this is my future and i determine it myself with my own hard work, and the results are not for them, but for me. so i guess that really spurred me on.

and my school. i really have to thank my school. having great teachers in sec 4 is really a benefit, i have to appreciate that a lot. i have to go to work alr. im late. i shall continue this next time. goodbye.

another strange dream

2011-01-08T11:08:00.001+08:00

so i had another strange dream last night.

i was at mac, queuing up to buy a $5.50 meal.

i checked my wallet b4 i queued up and there was a $5 note and a 50 cents coin, along with a lot of other coins.

then it was my turn to order. i took out the $5 note and put it on the counter. then i searched my coin pouch for the 50 cents coin, but i couldnt find it. ok so nvm, i thought, i still got other coins. but as i took out all my coins in my palm, they were all malaysian coins.

then the manager of the mac came out and ask why i haven pay yet. i say i not enough money. then he scold me say if i not enough money shouldnt buy. so i explained to him that i lost my 50 cents coin. then suddenly he smiled an evil smile and took out from nowhere a 50 cents coin, and said slyly "you mean this 50 cents coin?"

i demanded to him to return it to me. he say no, and took the 50 cents coin and eat it. before he swallowed it i jumped on his back and strangled him tightly, and in real life i was strangling my pillow lol. then he choked out the coin and it landed on the counter to the cashier, and she said thank you, and i got my meal. i jumped off his back and took my tray. then the manager took out a gun from his pocket, and shot a bullet at me, but i avoided it in time, and i grabbed my coke, opened the lid and splashed it all over his face, stinging his eyes so he couldnt see, then i punched him in his face and he landed on the floor lol. then i woke up. strange dream. i never got to eat my mac even though i paid :(

getting results on monday. woohoo. feeling excited yet nervous lol. ok bye.

happy new year

2011-01-04T18:39:00.002+08:00

well its 2011.

another year full of unexpected surprises.

what can i say?

happy new year?

i don't know what to say about this new year. its just another year. another month. another day. same life.

but this year life would be different.

i would be going jc, well most likely, or poly. and the results day are nearing. next monday. 10th jan 2011. a day that will live forever in infamy or fame.

i hate the fact that my future depends on this result slip in a way, unlike psle, lol. this is my final chance to prove to my family that i'm not a screw up, and if i don't prove this i'll ironically prove otherwise.

but whats the point of lamenting now. the exam's alr over. nothing i can do about it. i dont know. i just feel uncertain. people always say "no point being scared la, nothing you can do now since it's over" yeah i know that. i know that very well. but it's almost impossible to avoid that tinge of nervousness.

let's talk about something else, this is kinda demoralising.

friends. gonna be another problem. i'm scared of drifting apart from my sec sch friends, they're like the best. i guess it's gonna be hard to make friends in jc, since it's only two years, and it's like everyone will be studying and you're just acquainted. no time to crack jokes. no time to mindf*ck others. lol. damn, i really hope my sec sch friends will stay on with me till i reach adulthood. i'll never forget them, even though i dont look like i mean it. there are so many moments that we take for granted with our friends, and only now will we come to regret it. once you start drifting it's hard to come back together.

school. ok, maybe jc is similar to sec sch. but i'm also afraid of one thing. my size. when i first went to sec sch in sec 1, i was scared i'll get bullied or laughed at for being so small and short. heigh now isnt a matter for me. but it's my size. i'm really skinny. i look like a wimp. i look weak, easily manipulated and pushed over. whoever says appearance doesnt matter is a dumbass. it's the very first impression you give others, and if they ever want to like you for your personality it's your appearance they look at first. now the same thing happens again. going into jc. i really don't want to be called a wimp and a weakling. yeah sure, it's easy to say dont care about what others say. but what others say is their impression of you, which will be the impression of others next time, your girlfriend, her family, your boss, your wife, your children etc. that is why since its impossible to change the opinions of others about me, i can only change myself to change those opinions. and i am doing that. going to the gym, running and all. i really want to be fit. i want to put on weight, and not be stuck in this body forever. everytime i walk pass fat people, i really envy them. they can eat half of what i eat a day and their stomach becomes inflated. for me, i can eat a hell lot and nothing happens. but maybe they envy me too. but they wouldnt want to be too skinny, like how i am now. sometimes i hate my metabolism rate. but theres a good side to it, i guess. i can eat anything i want without worries. because i know i wont grow fat. but it'll be hard for me to gain muscles as when i exercise im burning off muscles, not fats since i lack them. bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit

ok i'm done. i cant believe i talked about school and linked it to my size.

sigh. still kinda worried for results, and other things. but i can't post it here. thats the sad part about having a blog as compared to a diary. a blog isnt that personal if you make it public.

goodbye.

merry xmas dreams

2010-12-26T10:56:00.002+08:00

so yesterday was xmas.

and the weather was cold enough that it was perfect for sleep.

so i slept kinda early, around 11.

and i had two weird dreams.

the first weird dream i had was very vague, so i cant rmb much abt it. but i know it was something to do with winning something or i would die.

the second weird dream was, u probably guessed it, the o lvl results. this time the results were released in class, idk why. then mr chew was there, sitting on the teacher's table giving his usual sian face. and for some reason i was crying. when i didnt even get my results back yet. then mr chew gave out the results. when i got mine, i saw that i got 9 points but my english got b3. weird. 9 points is a single digit and was my target but idk why the hell i was crying. then mr chew announced that kelvin ho got the best score in our class, and he wasnt being sarcastic as apparently kelvin ho got 6 points raw. i instantly woke up because that was totally impossible and i knew i must be dreaming.

ok bye

dreams

2010-12-22T11:49:00.002+08:00

so i just woke up.

and i was having a really weird dream.

i was sleeping on a table. and then i woke up. in front of me two people were playing chess. the funny thing is they were two people i dont even recognise. it's like the two faces i saw were cartoon
like and distorted. both of them are guys.

there was someone sitting beside me too, that person's face was also similar to the two, only that person was a girl.

she also just woke up, and she asked me if i want to take my o level results now. surprisingly i said ok.

so me and the girl left for sch, and it was instant, just like teleporting. the other 2 ppl playing chess were left behind because the girl told me they didnt want to get their results.

so i was in the sch hall. there were many ppl there. but i was sitting at the back with the girl, everyone else's faces i could not see as i could only see their back and somehow i couldnt turn my head.

then it was finally my turn. i went up to take my results. but i didnt get to see it. it was a paper that read HAHA.

and then all around me the doors of the hall became metal grills, and the big ass fans started going down, and it was going to shred me to pieces. the girl disappeared. everyone disappeared. i knew it was a trap.

the girl's voice echoed in the hall, saying that i was a fool and i was going to die because of being so stupid.

so i said i won't, and i squeezed thru the metal grill like how i do with a window grill (LOL) and the girl said WTF and i just kept running out of the sch towards my home, with the girl that now looked like a demon running after me to come back so i can see my results. then i tripped and fell on my face. then i woke up. lolwut.

anw aside from my weird dream,

the Os results are coming soon. today until friday i've got no work. apparently we finished all our targets and also nobody is free to ferry us around so we're not suppose to work for three days -_- the sad part is they're not gonna pay us for the three days _|_. its so ironic. usually the worker would not want to work, but now it's diff. LOL. i guess my life is kinda screwed and warped.

ok so just like kelvin liew, i decided on courses i will take in poly in case my l1r5 isnt a single digit.
i have a lot in mind. like aerospace engineering, nanotechnology, chemical engineering, biomedical etc. etc.

BUT DAMN I REALLY WANT A SINGLE DIGIT

ok bye. think i'll end here lol

...

2010-12-15T10:16:00.000+08:00

tell me dear reader(s),

should i delete my blog? nobody reads it anymore.

my job as a banglah worker

2010-12-08T20:04:00.004+08:00

so i finally found a job.

doing traffic thing.

accessing the camera on the top of the roadside lamppost, checking speed of vehicles using laser gun, recording down the corresponding speeds, counting number of type of vehicles etc.

it's a great job. im glad kelvin liew introduced it to us. too bad he was forced to quit. LOL FAG.

anw im working with sys nic darren jm amos

it's nice to work with them.

esp with all the jokes. fag of the day. haha.

sure, the job is tiring and i have to wake up early and have to endure the tormenting sunburns and risk of getting rammed by a speeding truck, but i like this job not only because im paid, also because it curbs my boredom.

sigh.

a lot has happened recently. i thing this period of time is really another moment in which i mature emotionally again.

screw this. bye.

Another update for the non-existent readers.

2010-11-25T20:17:00.002+08:00

I said I would try and update daily, i guess i really did kept to my word, maybe because i'm bored everyday.

so i'll be going penang from 2 - 5 dec. somehow i feel as if im not going at all. feel unprepared, not excited at all, just a neutral feeling. im not reluctant. just neutral. how do u express feelings like that? someone should invent a word for this neutral feeling.

....

each day is getting more boring than ever. everyday its the same old routine, in fact this feels worse than school days. still trying to find job.. argh. forget it. i'll just write some random story now to cure my boredom.

RANDOM STORY

Nat hated his life. Every part of his life was a failure, whether it was family, friends, love, work, etc. All it took was one extremely bad day.

It was like any other day Nat lived, he woke up reluctantly to the endless, monotonous drone of his cell phone's alarm. Switching off the alarm routinely and rubbing his eyes, he dragged his feet drowsily towards the washroom. As usual, he proceeded to take a shower, lazily applying soap and shampoo. It was completed just like any other boring shower on any other day. He wrapped himself in a towel, freshly cleaned by his old aged mother. Staring at the mirror looking at a dreadful and tiresome face, Nat began brushing his teeth in a slow clockwise motion. With his mouth rinsed and the whole toilet routine complete, Nat dressed into his hateful uniform. How he wanted to just rip apart that collared shirt, and throw his tie in the toilet bowl, flushing it down with sickening joy, Nat thought to himself. His hands did otherwise; they were already well trained in doing the same thing everyday, putting on his clothes for him as usual.

"Nat, hurry up, if not you'll be late for work!" Nat's mother yelled from outside.
"Uhh.." Nat muttered grudgingly.

Nat checked his cell phone; nothing. No messages or missed calls whatsoever. He sighed. He had been trying to talk to his girlfriend for a month, but she never replied or answered any of his messages or calls. As the days go by, Nat slowly lost hope and became more depressed than ever.

"HURRY UP!"

That was enough to send Nat in an irritated flurry towards his mother's car outside his elegant and well maintained mansion, leaping into the car as his mother set off towards his workplace. Nat was working as a clerk in a nondescript lawyer's firm, and just like most people in this world, he despised his job. As he said his usual goodbye to his mother, he walked briskly towards the tall skyscraper building, which would be his jail for 9 hours.

"Hold that do-" Nat shouted, as he rushed towards the lift, but it was too late, the lift door slammed shut at him, much to his anger.

Nobody cared about him. Nobody.

Entering the next lift, he was delighted that he was alone inside, nobody was there to give him curious glances making him feel uncomfortable. As the lift made its slow climb towards the 13th floor, it halted at the 7th.

"Damn," Nat thought to himself, as he did not like sharing the lift with someone else.

However, the door never opened. Nat became curious and pressed the "door open" button. When the lift door opened, all he could see was plain darkness. Nat was stuck between two floors. He cursed loudly to himself, spewing all the vulgarities he knew, slamming the lift walls hard. He waited, and waited. Nothing happened. He knew it. He knew his life sucks. Nat pressed the alarm button helplessly, hoping that he was rescued soon. That's it! He could call someone using his cell phone for help, maybe one of his colleagues. He reached into his pocket and drew out his phone, only to see 1 new message from his girlfriend fill his screen. In utter glee and delight he opened the message, it was as if he did not care that he was stuck in a lift, she was all that mattered. To his horror, three words that he dreaded so much to see was now on his phone's screen: "Let's break up."

Nat did not know what to do. He slid his phone back into his pocket, lying listlessly on the floor, depressed beyond anyone else in the world. The lift door closed, then the lift gave a clank, and began taking its steady course upwards again. The lift door opened, and the familia hateful sight of floor 13th stood before Nat. Nobody noticed he was lying on the floor, nobody cared that he was stuck in the lift. He got up silently, walking towards his cubicle, only to be hindered by his boss.

"NAT! YOU'RE LATE!" his boss roared, pointing a shaking finger at Nat's face, along with the usual nagging he gave Nat everyday about his lousy productivity and how useless he was.

Nat closed his eyes, tolerating the insults hurled at him mercilessly, walking continuously towards his cubicle. He sat down at his cubicle, his boss still bearing down on him. Nat was at his breaking point. He could not take it anymore. His life sucks.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP OK?" Nat hollered back at his boss, much to his shock and anger. Down the rows of cubicles, other colleagues poked their heads out in disbelief, Nat never spoke much in the office, and this was extremely epic.

"Pack up your things. Get out of my office. You're fired." Nat's boss said sternly, and walked away with an air of frustration.

Nat ignored the chattering of his colleagues, he did not care about what they said about him, just like how nobody cared about him at all.

As he packed his things, he suddenly got a phone call.

"Hello?" Nat said dejectedly.

"Hello? Are you the son of Jean Tan? She was just killed in a car accident. Please come to Rescue Hospital's mortuary to retrieve her body, and afterwards come to the police office, we need your statement."

Nat hanged up. This day was like any other day, his last day. He dropped his phone unfeelingly on the floor, running straight out the window from the 13th floor. As he hurtled towards the ground, he smiled to himself. He would finally be free from his epic fail life in a few seconds, death would end his misery.

Hi once again

2010-11-24T16:42:00.002+08:00

So O Levels are finally over, 12th Nov it has ended. I'm saying this because maybe 10 years from now I might take a look at my archives, and then realised that my Os ended on 12th Nov, 2010.

Blogs. I hate updating them. But when i look at my extremely old posts, I realised its not just a blog. its more like a diary, i used to update it so often in the past. I just read a few posts I wrote last time. Some sounded so angsty and now that i think of it, immature. Some made me think what did I do to make me feel that way, as I have forgotten almost everything that happened last time. But all these posts made me realise something, i've matured from the sec 1 me. Creating this blog 4 years ago seemed much longer ago; reading my first post ever was like talking to another person even though it was the same person that pressed the keys on his keyboard and thought of what to type, staring pensively at the computer screen, eager to make his blog post long so he could publish it as soon as possible.

Good times.

Since my previous post, so much has happened i lost track, and now with the Os over, I have a few things in mind.

To do:
get a job
buy more clothes
get a bike
go overseas
get a nerf gun longshot

and a lot of other stuff i cant think of right now.

applied for two jobs. both replied me, but they'll only let me know the confirmation by this friday. and i've been running at the stadium recently, going to the gym too soon. need to train myself up. every night before i sleep i am haunted by the fact that i am skinny. I had enough. i hate this body of mine. if i do not gain weight and bulk up i'd never survive. i do not want to end up like a wimp. it must not happen. it will never happen...

and getting a bike. my mum restricts me from getting one ever since i roller bladed to tuition when i was young. and if you're wondering why, its because i roller bladed on the roads and without her permission. but i was YOUNG, IMMATURE, CHILDISH, RECKLESS. she should at least understand that im not as stupid anymore and i know how to handle a bike. i love cycling. i love it a lot. i can never tire out on a bicycle, it makes me feel free that i can go on and on and on.

i think i've crapped enough. i will end here. Post O level activities have been really fun. will try and update this dead blog after so long. i wonder if anyone still reads it, since my last post was in september. LOL. Ok bye.

my blog is dead

2010-09-22T19:19:00.002+08:00

yeah i know my blog is dead. its been way too long already. O levels is fast approaching, almost in 1 months time.

its hard to imagine that start of this year, i always thought o levels will come very slowly. sometimes i even think that it's not going to come at all.

yet one month prior to it, i realised how real it is right now.

sigh.

whats the point of complaining.

anyway tmr prelim 2 will end.

which means no more papers until o levels (well i hope)

and talking about hope, i hope i can get 8 points for prelim 2.

i just hope my tendency to screw up/overconfidence/nervous breakdown/disease outbreak wont occur during my o levels

heck.

exams take over our lives.

after o levels theres a levels, then uni degree and all that crap

endless pursue of education

............

well enough lamenting on my part

goodbye, probably see you on nov 12? or maybe earlier if procrastination takes over me.

update

2010-08-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

well i havent been updating for quite a while

prelim 1 whizzed passed so fast.

and now, prelim 2 is approaching, and so is o levels.

sigh.

maybe after o lvls i'll get time to blog again and write long post

but for now...

happy national day :)

The Boy With No Eyelids

2010-07-11T15:44:00.002+08:00

The Boy With No Eyelids Chapter 1, possibly the only chapter.

The title says all. To put it simply, I was a boy with a slight complication that ruined my life. I had no eyelids. You might think, oh, who cares, it's only eyelids, it's not like you're born mentally retarded or something. You people are all wrong. You have no idea what it's like to be born with no eyelids. Now before you start thinking to yourself that I'm probably a whiny little kid, I want you to consider how it's like to live without eyelids. Think of the times when you really need your eyelids the most. Now, think about how hard your life would be without them during those moments. It would be as hell as mine.

The worst part about being born with no eyelids is insomnia. I can never fall asleep. Try sleeping with your eyes open. I have to face an empty ceiling each night, waiting for the drowsiness to overcome me. But no matter how much I try to fall asleep, it is impossible. My eyes were often strained and tired from being opened widely at night, accustomed to the darkness around me. I had to tie a blindfold around my eyes to get myself to fall asleep. This was the most effective way I could think of to cure my insomnia, but otherwise I still longed to get sleep like everyone else. How easy it is for them to just shut light out of their eyes and fall into a soothing slumber, whereas I have to painstakingly endure the torment of wearing a blindfold.

Maybe at this point you're thinking, this isn't that bad after all. Well that's because you normal people neglect the little things in life that do you great favours, forever unappreciative and ignorant. So trust me, it's torturing. Tonight before you fall asleep, do not cover your eyes with your eyelids and try and fall asleep. See how that feels like. Tired and sleepy yet unable to get a good sleep, so near, yet so far.

Another disadvantage of having no eyelids is probably obvious to you, since by now you should be pondering about how I would try and live my life normally. Have you guessed it yet? If not, here's a hint. When something goes near your eyes, one's natural instinct is to shield their eyes with their eyelids. Now, this time, try and be in my shoes, in an everyday life situation. Let's say you're bathing now, water spewing from the shower and you're shampooing your hair. Then, a wad of watery shampoo slides down your hair, onto your forehead. Naturally, you would close your eyes, wouldn't you? Well, imagine you can't this time, and the soapy mixture enters your eyes, bringing with it a stinging pain and you yell out in agony, and not only do you have to wash yourself, you have to wash your eyes too.

At this point you probably gave up reading and dismissed me as some idiot complaining madly about his own predicament. You're absolutely right about what I'm doing, and I do not care if you were to stop reading now, your eyes are probably tired from all this reading, and you would gladly want to take a nap and close your eyes for a little while, wouldn't you? If only I had such a previlege.

Another thing that irritates me is when someone says "Bless you" to me. It annoys me. I am not blessed when I sneeze, it is, to me, a curse I have to bear forever. For a few seconds, think back on how you would sneeze, how would your eyes react. You would close them, wouldn't you? Sadly, I can't. Imagine the horror on someone's face when they see your eyes popping out of their socket. You might think this only happens in cartoons. You are wrong. This is what happens when I sneeze, this is the suffering I have to go through, being deemed a freak of nature.

Finally, think of what you do with your eyelids almost every second. As you're looking at this, I want you to remember that your eyelids exist. What are they doing now? There, you just did it, but you were probably unaware of it. A minute shuttle movement that happens in a split second, and your eyes are relieved and refreshed of its strain. You can blink. You probably know what I'll say next, and you're right. I can't blink. Hold your eyelids for a while and don't blink at all. How do your eyes feel? That's how my eyes feel every minute, and I have to carry around with me eye drops to relieve my eyes by hand.

So now that you have read up to this point, I hope you appreciate that little gift you have on your eyes. It may be something you neglect, but appreciate that you have it, and I don't. Think of all the pain, suffering, irritation, anger, frustration and trouble I have to go through, and be relieved you're spared from such a predicament, all because you, simply, have eyelids.

prinnies rule dood?

2010-06-30T12:19:00.004+08:00

so kelvin liew is agrieved by losing that 3 marks qns.
and to make things worse, there's an easier way to solve that question as compared to his solution on his blog.

click to enlarge
LOL

now having prelims... so sian.
finished e maths paper 1 and 2, ss, hist. still left quite a lot of papers but dun really hav to study much for the rest.
except maybe lit and chem and phy.

tmr got chem and a maths lol later going revise chem should be ok ba tmr

i realised i havent update my blog for quite a while

well this is an update i guess

and no i wont delete my blog.

reviewing the prelim papers i have sat for:
maths paper 1: kinda easy.
maths paper 2: must say it was hard but doable.
ss: it sucks. i studied 5 chapters for nothing because i could only choose venice. the sbq sucked too.
hist: it was ok. though the sbq was quite confusing cos the sources not much link with the question. seq. i should have done qns two though, on war in europe. but i didnt understand 2a so i did qns 4 even though 4b was quite confusing but i think i'll do fine. end of cold war didnt come out rofl.

k bye.

hello

2010-06-07T19:31:00.002+08:00

in a futile attempt to revive my blog, let me conduct a survey!!!

vote which options you would want me to take
1) continue my blog and write posts
2) preserve my blog but hardly update at all for the sake of my archives
3) delete my blog so that all the memories for the past 3 years are gone.

just type the number.

and tengboon, dont guai lan and choose 3 or 4 or any number not 0
thanks =)

The Boy Who Ate His Books Part 1

2010-05-18T15:30:00.004+08:00

The Boy Who Ate His Books

Part 1

When I was born, I had no idea I had some strange power inside of me. As a little baby child, my curiosity dominated over my pain and uncomfort. Putting stuff into your mouth was forbidden unless it was something on a spoon, but I never did pay attention to that grown up woman and man, always watching over me.

I sort of lived to regret that, but still, it was a great discovery, yet a horror too. One Tuesday morning when a drowsy and bored feeling was overpowering the atmosphere, the woman and the man decided to leave their vulnerable and innocent little baby boy all alone in the house he was trapped inside.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This was the first lesson I learnt when I grew up. Barely a year old, I crawled towards a mysterious yet fascinating rectangular item left on the floor by some irresponsible woman. I brandished the object and felt its touch, it was a sensational feeling, as if something exciting awaits you inside. Instinctively, I lifted the object from the floor. It was a light and thin item, with the words "Mini Dictionary" on it. The feel of the leather bind in contact with my palms was a feeling I could not comprehend at such a tender age, but it was a feeling I enjoyed.

With clumsy and stubby fingers, I dropped the object on the floor, and the object was broken. I was panicking. I broke the object, that woman was going to kill me with her deadly long stick. As a toddler, there was no other fear in the world than a cane. I tried my best to fix it, clawing at the unfolded broken object but to no avail. In a moment of panic and fear, I ripped apart a piece of the object. I was now in deeper peril. There was no way that woman would let me live. I had to get rid of the evidence. I had to. I crushed the piece into a ball, and placed it in the only place I knew things would disappear, my mouth. This proved to be effective even though it was uncomfortable to my throat, so I decided to get rid of the whole damn object, ripping it into pieces, crushing it and swallowing it down. It was a tedious process, but I knew it had to be done, lest I get that stinging feeling on my bare buttocks again.

The deed was done. Nothing was left, even the leather binding was lost somewhere inside my tummy. I marvelled at the beauty of this vanishing device which was a part of me, but my marvel was about to get even greater. The man and woman were home, and they weren't in a good mood.

"Oh no. Kelvin is crawling on the floor again. Oh. John, can you please help him up?" said the woman irritably.

"Why is it that I always have to do all this baby stuff? You're the mother, you should do it!" said the even more irritable man.

Very soon, an apocalyptic quarrel commenced, and yet I was not carried off the ground. Somehow I felt a new emotion I never felt before. It was the same feeling the woman and man felt.

"SHUT UP!"

The annoyed looks of the woman and the man faded, a new look overlapping their faces. It was a look of horror and shock.

"Did.. Did Kelvin just.. talk?" said the woman.

"I think... I think he did, Sandra,"replied the man.

Somehow they were looking at me with confusion now, and they seemed to get closer and closer. Soon, I was lifted up by the woman, being cradled in her arms felt safe and secure, almost like a protective barrier from the dangers of the outside world.

"Say that again," the man asked, and for the first time, he looked at me straight in the face.

"that again," I said, and it felt strange, as if it was a disembodied voice, I knew I was the one who said it, yet at the same time, it felt like it wasn't me who said it. What am I saying. I said it, and I knew I said it. Maybe its because this was the first time I heard a voice totally new.

This time, the man's face was filled with glee.

"Sandra! Do you know how much money we could make from this boy? Do you know that a talking baby is something unheard of in the history of mankind? Think, Sandra! With this amazing son we have, as his parents, think of the fame and fortune we would receive!" he yelled in delight.

"No, Kelvin is our baby. We cannot let anyone know about this. He's... He's special." the woman said, there was a certain tenderness to her voice.

The man nodded in agreement, but with a hint of reluctance expressed on his face.

"Tell us everything," the woman said again, this was the second time an adult looked at me straight in the face and talked.

Slowly, I began speaking words that made sense, and very soon they understood how I became the boy who ate his books.

[END OF PART 1]

Perspective

2010-05-16T10:37:00.002+08:00

currently trying to write a book called Perspective. maybe i'll try to write a simple draft of it. its about this boy who is constantly being bullied, and takes revenge on those that bully him by haunting them at night.

-

He deserved it. I swear he did. Nobody can get away for what they did to me. Nobody.

There he was, I saw him. Just a few hours ago at school he taunted me as I walked pass his gang, clapping at my face as if daring me to retort back. This time, he was going to pay. There he was, lying in his bedroom sound asleep, little did he know he was being watched. He was alone this time; no gang members to protect him, no more hiding behind a shield of bigger sized bullies.

I reached out my hand and unlocked the window latch. The window gave a squeak. I froze instantly at my position, determined not to give away my presence. He squirmed in his bed, and I waited with abated breath. He shifted his position, this time with his back facing me. It was then I was sure he dismissed the squeak as an insignificant sound. This was my chance.

I squeezed through the window with fluid motion, and crept towards him silently. I stared at him with fury, and my heart was filled with malice. I wanted to tear him apart, to rip him into pieces. Suddenly he bolted straight up and looked around, fear gripping his spine. With an agile leap, I crawled under his bed.

"Who's there?" he cried, his voice shaking with terror.
"You will pay for what you've done, Rob." I roared, anger overwhelming me.

He must have heard where my voice came from, and in a matter of seconds he peered down under his bed. I instantly kicked at his face, and he yelled out in pain.

I was on my feet, and he dashed towards the door. I was too fast for him. Seeing that his only exit was blocked, he shifted back from me steadily, as I walked towards him menacingly.

"Who... Who are you?" Rob said, his voice quivering with fear.

"Don't you remember?" I asked, smiling maniacally at him. I held out my two hands to my face, and clapped.

Terror flashed in his eyes. He tried to speak, but he seemed to be choking on word he could not comprehend.

He begen bawling, and mucus spilled down his neck, a pleading yet pathetic look.

"Hide behind a wall of threat, but alone, you are just a coward." I spited him, and kicked him hard in the face. My words echoed about the room, and he cowered in front of me, covering his sight from me with his hands, the only defence he had against me.

"Please... spare me... I'm.. I'm sorry," he pleaded between sobs and sniffs.

"Its too late," I said.

Suddenly he let out a shout, and I knew it was a trap. I immediately lunged at him and pinned him to the floor, he tried to call for help; he was buying all time all this while.

"YOU BASTARD!" I swore in his ear, almost like a whisper. He struggled against me, twisting and turning, but I was too strong. He was choking on his breath, I had him in my tight grip. Then his muscles relaxed, and he crumbled to the floor, unconscious.

-
I woke up with an aching pain on my face. Somehow everything felt like a dream, yet it wasn't at all, I was tied and bounded to a chair in my own room. There he was, the maniac that did this to me, standing in that dark corner glaring at me with fiery eyes. I tried to yell out, but my mouth was gagged, I was completely subdued. The maniac must have saw me conscious, as he walked towards me with menacing footsteps. He peered at my face closely, close enough for me to punch him, but yet I couldn't.

"Weak," he laughed, and he clapped at my face once more in a sickening manner.

"You do love doing that don't you?" he asked maliciously.

I shook my head violently, mumbling for him not to hurt me. I didn't mean it. It was just a joke. A harmless little taunt. Somehow I was sweating something fierce, as my soaked and sticky pyjamas was clinged to my skin.

The maniac yanked up my hair, and placed something around my neck. I tried to see what it was, but in the darkness I could barely see anything, just two terrible eyes and a threatening shape of a figure.

The maniac unbounded my mouth, and my first instinct was to yell, but fearing another knock out, I kept my mouth shut.

"Tell me Rob, do you regret what you did?" the maniac asked.

"What kind of question is that, you sickening bastard?" I retorted.

The maniac slapped me hard across the face. I began tearing again.

"OK, OK, I regret what I did. Please, let me go," I begged, knowing fully well that my attempt was to no avail. I was just buying time to get an opportunity to escape.

"I'm sorry, you have to die." the maniac said calmly, as if he was really apologising to me for a mistake he did.

"Please, I'll do anything... Anything!" I cried out, my throat was feeling dry and my breathing became heavy. I did not want to die. I do not want to die. Please don't kill me. Please.

The maniac did not say anything. Instead, he carried me along with the chair towards the window. For someone I thought a weakling, he was stronger than he looked.

"What are you doing?" I yelped.

"You'll find out," he grunted.

He held me at the window edge, and suddenly everything became clear to me. The thing around my neck, it was a -

-

I threw him out of the window with sick satisfaction, and he fell, screaming bloody murder. But it was not over. The noose around his neck was tied to the tree outside, and before he landed, the tree branch shuddered. I climbed back up to the roof, observing the outcome of my work. There Rob was, hung up on a tree lifelessly, with the chair hanging loosely on him. I smiled sickeningly, as I crept down his house and up the tree. There he was, his body swinging left to right like a disgusting parody of a pendulum. I stared down at his ungazing eyes, and laughed maniacally.

Clapping thrice at his contorted face which was still filled with anguish, I leapt down from the tree, feeling more than satisfied with myself. He would not be haunting me, or anyone, anymore.

update

2010-05-07T17:33:00.001+08:00

read the title. im just drawing a line between blog and dead blog right now.

...

2010-04-29T15:22:00.001+08:00

well life is good and bad now. who am i kidding. im just lying to myself everyday

...

2010-04-20T18:06:00.000+08:00

WHATEVER. I CAN JUST GO AND DIE NOW

differentiation joke

2010-04-09T19:33:00.001+08:00

so i was thinking of differentiation, and i realised there is a joke soliution lol. play this, and play it SLOWLY.

LOL

2010-04-06T17:58:00.003+08:00

today was quite an excruciating day.

1) p.e run 2.4km
- i almost vomited when i finished my last round. when i finished i collapsed on the floor and started choking. weird ._. then i told myself it was over and my spasm stopped LOL my body is screwed. but i found out the trick on how to get a good timing le. for me, i'll run normally but i wont stop for all the rounds, last round just muster all my strength to finish it. damn. i think i over exerted myself for the last round. i seriously chiong-ed all the way. god. but my 2.4 really improved a lot. good luck to my napfa though. i always had problems with standing broad jump and sit and reach. bloody hell.

2) climbed lamp post twice
first time injure my right knee and ankle cos nattapon didnt want to catch me when i let go. lol. went up that time somehow not enough strength to come down, so asked him to catch me. when i let go, slid down the lamp post. at least i didnt pillar myself, but i injured my leg -.- second time injured my left leg. as i was going up i went up the wrong way, i sort of banged my leg against the lamp post. friggin pain. but i still climbed up anyway, but when i went down scraped my left leg against the lamp post cos i slid down too fast le. LOL. i hope i dun sustain anymore injuries for the next few days. napfa is coming... i cant risk being injured.

3) invaded my class 4 times.
er not really invaded this time. went in to my class twice, went out of it twice. all 4 times out the window lol. its more like a form of transportation for me now when everyone is clogging up the door to go out lol. but i think i shocked someone after sch. was going for phy ssp at IT room 2. then i decided to go out by the.. paperman way lol. so when i went out, i think got this girl from 4e1. i know her face but dunno her name. lol. then she saw me come out her face dumbfounded. she stunned for a while and mouth wide open. hmm.. maybe next time i should do it when no one's looking.

4) tengboon bullied me as usual again
i dont know if its his daily routine or not. im ok with it, just dun like it when he unbuttons my shirt -.- sometimes u need people like him in ur life to make u go crazy. and i dun understand why fabian keep laughing la when he bullies me. is it that funny? ._. it has been going on for 6 years alr, and counting ._.

so thats about it.

well tmr i plan to invade classes by the corridor top window. but it means i have to climb up and squeeze thru the bars and find a way to get down into the classroom. i think ian did it before. tmr i will try. lol. then if i succeed, i can finally invade non-ground floor classrooms xD and for ground floor i will invade from the corridor, then escape the same way on the other side xD

well i can think of a few paperman superhero powers i got :D

- i can invade classrooms by fitting through the window grills with my thin paper powers
- i can climb up lamp posts with my paper lightness
- i am recyclable :D
- i can invade classrooms by two methods (soon :D)

a few powers i'd like to have also
- able to hang on a fan while its rotating, preferably the big ass fan in the hall
(possible if im willing to die)
- change the world, make it a better place (totally impossible)
- control the new jumbo rolls at the toilets now (impossible)
- able to shoot paper out of my hands (impossible)
- able to posess papers, preferably exam papers xD (impossible but wont this ability rock? :D)

this is not really a complete list ._. im sure there will be more crazy stuff paperman would want to do next time.

paperman can't be defeated no matter how much he is torn, shredded, holepunched, staplered or whatever violent stuff to papers, because he's recyclable :D

who am i kidding -.-

...

2010-04-03T16:49:00.001+08:00

today was a fun day.

went scouts in the morning. ok nt really scouts, but just play soccer.

then went to watch movie

the movie was ok, just tt i felt the ending was quite abrupt...

but otherwise its ok la lol

after movie went to buy venture uniform

then went home.

yep thats basically all tt happened today.

now i'm broke. serious. let me check... i left 30 cents in my wallet ._. win.

ok bye.. later going my cousin's house eat dinner LOL

OH AND

i got stuck while trying to help some people get their books from class today LOL

first my head got stuck

then next was my leg...

can paperman survive? can he still invade classrooms even though he has suffered injuries on all 5 limbs? (including head) of course he can, paperman is recyclable! :D

LOL

2010-04-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

how do i summarise this week?

boring?

nah.

i can climb thru windows.

how is that boring? :D

campfire

2010-03-28T20:02:00.002+08:00

the campfire camp was great!

ONE THAT I WILL RMB ALL MY LIFE :D

but

i think

its time

to rant again

because

some retard

ruined

the campfire

for me.

as i am typing this now the words that retard said to me still reverberated in my head.

JOSHUA WHAT THE HELL ARE U DOING?

god. if only i could turn back time and reply

BREATHING LA U RETARD

but obviously there is always something to hold me back...

i would have gladly punched him once and let him subdue me rather than stand there and getting scolded by some unreasonable lump of crap

i dont care if after my first punch he kills me or wad

that guy deserves a seriously beating up

be more reasonable. u might be bigger than me, but at least have some sense when u are angry or wtv u are.

and stop flirting. u are pissing all of us off day by day.

stop giving unconstructive comments. it doesnt help. u just act as if u're so big and u rule the world but u are just a retard.

i am sorry for ranting

but i cant keep these welled up emotions inside sometimes

i just need to let it all out

..

2010-03-23T18:36:00.001+08:00

was forced by someone to drink some blackcurrant thing...

for the campfire vip souvenir..

and..

it taste twice as sweet as ribena.

i got a sore throat :(

but nvm its worth it.

well...

i'm a proud owner of a harmonica :D

and i realised how irritating it sounds :D

hi its me again

2010-03-22T22:31:00.003+08:00

hi its me again.

well...
the campfire is this sat.

and.

i stayed up to 2am last night to do my homework..

but..

the teacher didnt come today

ATOMIC FAIL

er...

what did i want to say again?

something about sch and something abt life...

but im too lazy to even bother talking crap now.

going to do commonwealth. just caught up with the rest of my homework..

god

sometimes u just hate ur life so much u wish u were never born

sometimes u wish everyone around u didnt exist and you're in your own world with only people u want to be with

but i guess not all wishes can come true eh?

this friday theres camp

maybe going to watch movie also

i dunno

i cant really be bothered abt life now.

JOSHUA,

just do your homework and shut the hell up.

...

2010-03-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

HOMEWORK SUCKS D:

well,at least im not the only one.

water

2010-03-17T14:37:00.000+08:00

hello. today not only did i learn to appreciate water at the newater plant, i also found out i love water :D

jobweek

2010-03-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

what a fun day =)

...

2010-03-15T21:27:00.003+08:00

hello again. its me. i cant get myself to do homework cuz i just came bak from camp. im too tired to even look at my student organiser.

its only 7 months more to o lvls. 7 months. gosh. it makes me worried. level position : 108. i gave it all my best. but im not even top 100. haiz. guess i'll just hav to try harder.

ok so here's wad happened during the camp:

day 1
came to sch. the sec 1 to 3s went for job week. had a committee meeting. then pioneering. it kept raining then had to sing songs -.- ate lunch opposite. ate dinner in sch. i couldnt sleep that night. i just kept thinking and thinking till thoughts flooded me until i couldnt even rest. ended up going to the classroom to sleep with ian and some other ppl cause we were freezing to death in the drama studio. i should have brought a sleeping bag. but i didnt sleep at all. unless u call closing ur eyes sleeping.

day 2
the sec 1 to 3s went for job week as usual. pioneering. rained again in the afternoon. had to sing songs. 3 guides cried tt day. haiz. so much conflict and pressure amongst them. then pioneering all the way until dinner time. had to climb up to tie. it was fun. then had both lunch and dinner in sch. after that we partied at night after a debrief. played soccer with jia le's makeshift ball lol. then ended up liang min stepped on my foot by accident then it bled cause part of the nail came out. actually i didnt feel anything. its just tt after he stepped on my leg, i lag for a while, looked down at my right leg and saw my second toe bleeding, then i was like oh, im injured. then i crumbled on the floor. lol. then lok help me put plaster. see my mum so caring xD then they continued playing while i went to sleep. slept around 3am. was expecting some company. but nvm.

day 3
woke up. my right hand was numb. realised i slept on it the whole night. then went for more pioneering. and pole moving. then that was it. all over. the camp was done.

do u know how much it sucks when u talk to someone but u dont know if that person really wants to talk to u or not?

zzz

2010-03-15T19:46:00.002+08:00

back frm camp. more stuff to do for the next few days. motivation camp can just go n die. why not just give just make us go back sch for extra lessons? isnt that better than making us listen to some adam khoo bullshit? ya sure, unless u tell me motivation is a subject in o lvls then i dont mind. but seriously, wtf is this?

give me a break. i only got sunday free the whole week. how the hell am i going to finish my hmk? idk. and i will probably drag till sunday inevitably and break down cause im doing last min hmk again -.-

TUESDAY - JOB WEEK
WEDNESDAY - NEWATER PLANT VISIT
THURSDAY - MOTIVATION ~~CAMP~~ CRAP
FRIDAY - MOTIVATION ~~CAMP~~ CRAP
SATURDAY - MOTIVATION ~~CAMP~~ CRAP
SUNDAY - FREE (or am i?)

no i will definitely not cry during motivation camp. but i might be crying cause i dont have enough time to do my hmk. SCREW THIS.

if you cant change others or yourself, just be yourself. (sound familiar o.o?)

my blog is like super dead now. the scouts camp was fun. i cant be bothered to elaborate since no one reads this anw.

to kill a mockingbird LOL

2010-03-12T22:23:00.001+08:00

"you never really understand someone until you consider things from their point of view, until you climb into their skin and walk around in it"

"its that you know you've been licked (beaten) before you began but you began anyway."

"true courage is not just a man holding a gun"

lol

2010-03-11T18:51:00.000+08:00

somebody pls kill me now.

happy birthday nicholas!

...

2010-03-08T20:38:00.001+08:00

it feels as if i just died or smthing.

WTF!

2010-03-02T18:53:00.000+08:00

3 more a1s. 3 more a1s, and its 6 points for me. impossible? i hope not.

someone give me a mind reader machine

some songs

2010-02-28T18:28:00.002+08:00

Mercy - One Republic
Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
Where did you read my story?
Pulled from the papers
Desperate and hardened
seeking a momentary fix

All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel
I wanted to love
Its all my fault now
A Tragedy I fear

Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

Whoa Whoa Whoa
I feel you
Whoa Whoa Whoa

Before just the daylight
Come and I stand by
Waiting to catch the quickest plane
Fly me to nowhere
it's better than somewhere
That's where I've been and nothing's changed

All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel
I wanted to love
Its all my fault now
A Tragedy for sure

Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

Whoa
I feel you
Whoa

I'm so lost in you
A tragedy seemed to be over now
A tragedy it seemed to be

Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you

whoa
I feel you
Whoa
I feel you
Oh Whoa
I feel you
Oh Oh Oh

All We Are - One Republic
I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you
And all along, you were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything that I need just to make it
And I believe that time can tear you apart,
But it won't break, anything that you are,
You are

We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose
I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground

Time can tear you apart,
But it won't break, anything that we are,
We are

We won't say our goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need all we need, a lover's alibi

Every single day that I can breathe, you changed my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by
So don't say your goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change

All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

So don't say our goodbyes you know its better
We won't break, we won't die

argh.. life seems harder than before than i tot it ever could. sometimes i just need more LUCK. and i havent done any of my hmk yet. better get started... just slept from 3 to 6 -.- tired like shit.

...

2010-02-25T18:32:00.001+08:00

i have to chop off my head. cause i didnt get full marks for e maths -.-

hello again

2010-02-23T19:05:00.001+08:00

i should do ok for my lit and e maths test.

tmr got phy and chi.

damn. chinese. i really hate that subject. why the hell did they make us memorise ci yu again!?!?!? its not like o lvls have right? zzz. and i cant study it cause i dont have the meaning of the words -.-

then tmr physics. omg. i am ok for my heat capacity and latent heat, but transfer of thermal energy, evaporation all that gg liao.

bye.

lol

2010-02-22T16:31:00.001+08:00

founders day. test. sis gone. argh.

hey apple!

2010-02-20T17:52:00.000+08:00

lol today was a friggin funny day. esp cause of jiun hon and the hey apple thing. and me zi quan yong sheng jiun hon hong ye and clarence got stuck in the field cause the auntie locked the gate. LOL. then yong sheng hero go climb over the fence. then he ripped his pants xD LOL. super funny shit i was laughing like siao cause his pe pants got one flap can open shut and open shut xD then yong sheng went to find the auntie. but he took too long. so after 10mins of feeling trapped i decided to try to climb over. and i succeeded. then jiun hon dam idiotic cause i took out my shoe to climb right, he go take one of my shoe and throw across and it landed far away from where i was hanging on. so i had to walk on the construction site the metal roof to go take it. damn. then after i successfully made it across clarence went next. then hong ye then jiun hon. then zi quan was halfway climbing when omg, mr ang came. lol. then he faster climb down. and i stupidly told mr ang that we climbed over zzz. sometimes i am not quick witted enough. damn. then after that went to eat lunch went home then going to cousin's house later.

bye.

hello

2010-02-19T18:25:00.001+08:00

400th post. a lot has happened recently. wow. now i feel as if im just moving along my life. great.

cny

2010-02-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

i love cny.

as usual tradition of annual cny, my family quarrelled. again.

and i got a total of $308 for hong bao money! but i gave $100 to my father. then left $208. cause i feel that he deserves the money more than me.

LOL

er... so well....

karaoked on sat night with my family
then sun night watched movie with my siblings and cousins
then monday(today) afternoon went to eat lunch at my uncle's house

yep. cny is fun. im quite happy/sad that school's starting soon. but oh well. o levels and all.

o levels.. geez.

lols

2010-02-12T15:22:00.001+08:00

hooray cny is here! wow i cannot express how happy i am now!

- miss t1ng is not teaching me!!! :D
- accomplished something i wanted to do!!! :D
- finally found something i've always been looking for!!! :D

and tonight got reunion dinner! cant wait!!!

but the bad news is, for campfire programme, i cant think of any program to link to back to basics. i prefer prison break. so if you all are smart enough, pls help me think of some ideas for programs that link to "back to basics" seriously, what a theme, what a theme...

LOL

2010-02-11T19:04:00.002+08:00

YES CNY IS COMING WOOHOO

advantages

- MORE MONEY!
- GET TO SEE MY MOTHER'S SIDE RELATIVES!
- MORE PEOPLE WILL SAY I GREW TALLER :D!
- NO SCHOOL!
- GET TO WAKE UP LATE!
- 4 DAYS OF EPIC WIN!

disadvantages

- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:- I HAVE TO VISIT MY FATHER'S SIDE RELATIVES D:

I NEVER LIKED THEM.

1) They are pretentious
2) They still think im primary 4
3) they probably think this year im taking my PSLE
4) they make unnecessary comments about my size. yeah. u telling me that im short and skinny is gonna make me grow fat... just like you fat bitch =)
5) They don't show any care or concern towards my grandmother, and let my father do the care.

but nvm.

LIFE is better now. BECAUSE life has moved on.

i like my life now. if i had a choice, i wish i could relive it again when i die.

but there are also times when i wish i could just die now.

oh well.

like what kelvin liew said

"life just simply sucks"

but dont listen to him he's just monotone and negative =P

it feels great to be out of the pain again! hello world, im a new myself.

lucky day =D

2010-02-09T17:42:00.001+08:00

wow. today i found $1 on the floor. it must be my lucky day :D and it really is a lucky day today =)

the elaboration part

2010-02-07T20:17:00.002+08:00

ok time to elaborate.

yesterday woke up early, about 6am. went to serangoon mrt. met some scouts and the guides there. then waited for a while for the rest. took mrt to harbourfront. ian had stomachache. he went to shit at vivocity lol, said he'll join the other group coming later. then when the rest of us were waiting for the monorail ian came dashing in and he went with us lol. then we took the monorail to sentosa. $3. wah damn ex. why must pay so much when sentosa is a part of singapore anyway? but nvm. saw a lot of stuff along the way on the monorail. it was kinda fun. alighted at imbiah after that. went to rackey from station 4 to 1 for the amazing race. after that the whole group came. then after that i went with xin hui to facil group 1. lol played whacko. then keep doing the point wrong direction trick and the call the whacko's name trick. its lol. imagine if someone's the whacko and u call that person's name then that person will be look around and finally realise you called his name. lol. after that amazing race. not enough time though. cause of open close and open close getting the end time of the sentosa trip WRONG. epic fail. well at least my group finished 6 stations. but they all sian face. sian. then while walking crapped all the way with xin hui lol. after that at station 6 met the other groups and we went back to the hq together. then we the sec 4 scouts went to fill the water bomb bag from the sea. then kana hit by a few bomb bags by some of them too lol. after that was the fun part. they played tug o war. and the guylines kept breaking. due to somebody.... shhh... so end up most of the sec 4s were wet. lol. then they also played dog and bone but i wasnt there to see them play it. i was in the water all that time. so later me and ian decided to cannonball. and we did. it was fun. saltwater taste... salty. then they played the number guessing game lol. then dunno why girl guides always nvr kana. then don tio 3 times. and he say he likes getting tossed into the sea. wow. lol. oh ya. my face got splashed by someone :D but i took revenge! lol. then after that all the scouts and guides (well most) went into the sea and got wet and then some retard shouted shark! but was fake la. and i actually felt as if one of my toes was gone. damn. watch too much shark shows and documentaries. lol. then after that took group photo, pack up, bathe, and left the place. reached back zhonghua, debrief, etc etc. then i went home first. quickly bathed and rushed to j8. was wearing the new scarf kenneth got for the sec 4s. then i saw glennis and the other sec 3s walking past me, and they didnt recognise me LOL. not until they were so close that glennis shouted EH? how come your scarf like that? lol. it looks weird, i know. but it also looks nice at the same time. then went for the ri campfire. it was great! i think overall it was the most well planned and creative campfire i've been to. and it was also funny too lol. but the dancing part ._. i too pai seh to like learn the moves. well, most people were anyway. but overall it was a great campfire :D and it was also a great sentosa trip :D

then today. was playing some retarded ping pong game with my oldest sis in my room. then suddenly she spotted a bee. then i rushed to get the newspaper. then the bee flew out of my room, flew up to the ceiling, right there at the corner of the square light, was in fact, a freakingly big bee nest. i was like. holy shit. wtf. imagine. bee nest. IN YOUR HOUSE. wtf. does the friggin light look like a friggin tree to you. so i told my mum. she called the pest control. when they came the person said that it was not a bees nest, it was a WASPS nest. and wasps are more dangerous o.o then he said that it was still a young nest, means that the queen was inside and the larvae are still inside, havent hatch yet. he said that the queen wasp would kill other insects and use dead dry wood to make a nest and lay its eggs inside it while placing the dead insects inside the nest. so when the stupid worker wasps larvae hatch they will eat the dead insects and grow and fly and start multiplying. so that guy took away the nest and placed it in a bag carefully. lol. then he was gone. thats it. i started imagining what the wasp that attracted me to the nest would say. lets name that wasp walter.

walter enters nest

Walter: hey queen, there's two retarded human beings playing some ball game. lol. so er, how are the eggs?

Queen: lol

Walter: so er, how's life?

Queen: fine fine.

guy removes the nest

Queen: u retard u attracted humans to kill us

Walter: lolololololololololololololol happy face

kthxbai.